Travel: Ranch Deluxe

When I imagined a weekend at Canyon Ranch, a 150-acre retreat in the desert brush at the foot of Arizona’s Santa Catalina Mountains, I envisioned horse-riding, tobacco-chewing and 30oz steaks sliced from the herd that morning. In fact, a large steak is the last thing you’ll find, because Canyon Ranch is not a cattle farm but a health farm.

My wife and I arrived to find city folk in activewear strolling quietly but purposefully between the adobe bungalows scattered across the picturesque property. Some were escorted on golf buggies by eager staff members in matching fleeces. They’d come to eat well, to exercise, to play golf, to be comprehensively massaged. They’d come to learn how to live better, live healthier, and to take those lessons home after they left.

Canyon Ranch is the brainchild of Mel Zuckerman, a real-estate developer who, back in 1978, was carrying 40lb of surplus flab. Legend has it that he booked a week at a California ‘fat farm’ and stayed for a month. Inspired by his experience, he decided to preach the wellness gospel and sold off his portfolio to buy and repurpose a Tucson dude ranch as a spa. Mel, now a tanned, chipper 83, still runs the resort, living on site with his equally spry wife, Enid.

Canyon Ranch has a cult following among wealthy travellers (which explains why I’d never heard of it). Many have been visiting for years, and the Tucson branch alone (there are sister resorts in Massachusetts and Miami) welcomes about 14,000 guests annually, including celebrity fans Jane Seymour, Oprah Winfrey and Julia Roberts. Among our fellow guests was British retail mogul Sir Philip Green. But while the average clientele is visibly middle-aged, Lance Armstrong, 41, and January Jones, 35, are also in the visitors’ book.

Before we arrived, we were required to complete a health and lifestyle questionnaire, and to speak to the resort’s programme-advising department, who booked us a consultation with one of Canyon Ranch’s qualified nurses and helped us grapple with the endless activity options. If you want to spend a week here lazing by the heated pools and gazing at the mountains, fine, but you’ll likely want to take advantage of the extras. My date with the nurse was set for the morning of my departure — she said she would have suggested a stress management class had I been staying longer. Mrs Walker, meanwhile, employed the services of an exercise consultant for 50 minutes ($135), who recommended she do more exercise.

The long list of permanently available activities and treatments is augmented by a rolling weekly calendar, which, during our visit, featured everything from desert drumming to bingo, via yoga and beginner’s feng shui. Most importantly, there is a full menu of massage options, including the signature full-body Canyon Ranch massage, which I highly recommend, and a ‘rejuvenating waters’ massage, which takes place in a hydrotherapy tub, and came recommended by another guest.

Be warned: the activities start early, because nobody here stays up late. There are scenic guided walks off-site, but we took a stroll around the two-mile path that circles the resort. Our loop on the ‘spirit walk’ took us past the Peace Pond, Reflection Tepee and Serenity Pond — which looked a lot like the Peace Pond. Close to the Reflection Tepee was a sign warning of mountain lions in the area. There are bike rides, too. I borrowed a mountain bike and pushed off into the hills in search of those wide Arizona vistas.

Sceptical? It’s no use: your only option is to embrace the experience. You’ll feel better. And anyway, without a car, there’s no escape. There are no fast-food joints in walking distance. In fact, there’s almost nothing in walking distance. Canyon Ranch is a health gulag. Mobile phone use is forbidden, except in the rooms and a designated cellphone area, which feels about as apt as the smoking area at a hospital. There is no smoking area at Canyon Ranch. There’s also a resort-wide ban on booze and salt.

Meals are calorie-controlled and served in modest portions. My ‘all-American breakfast’ consisted of two poached eggs (unsalted), one chicken sausage patty, a piece of (possibly gluten-free) toast and a dish of diced apple chunks. Mrs Walker approved, but I would argue that my mental wellbeing relies partly on bacon. However, one vice is permitted: caffeine. I took an enlightening coffee-making class with a friendly resort chef, who taught me how to choose, grind, prepare and serve better coffee. It more than made up for the lack of, say, wine tasting. I even found a steak on the menu: a lean tenderloin around the same size as my wallet, which is not large. If yours is larger, perhaps Canyon Ranch is the place for you.

A seven-night off-season package at Canyon Ranch costs from $6,960pp (£4,600), including a service allowance of $1,200 to cover paid activities. Canyon Ranch is offering ES Magazine readers its New You package: 20 per cent off the all-inclusive rate for a stay of four nights or longer. Transfers included when guests arrive into Phoenix on the direct British Airways flight (freephone 0808 234 2358; canyonranch.com)