The Crush: Lesley Joseph

Well, well, well. If it isn’t Lesley Joseph back from panto purgatory and adding some rhinestone-encrusted glamour to the small screen once more as Dorien ‘don’t call me Doreen’ Green in everyone’s favourite kitchen-sink comedy Birds of a Feather.

In its 1990s heyday, when Crush was cramming for mock GCSEs, Pauline Quirke was still the fat one and Chigwell seemed like a faraway place, not the epicentre of TOWIE glam, Dorien taught us everything we knew about being an aspirational snob. The man-hungry, champagne-quaffing busybody was the working woman’s Patsy Stone and we were inspired by her big hair and busty bad taste. Now, brilliantly, she is a bonkbuster author of Sixty Shades of Green and is on a mission to seduce young men as ‘research’.

But just where has the actress behind Dorien’s bonkers outfits and sharp-tongued put-downs been since the show’s sad demise on BBC and triumphant return to ITV (last month’s opening episode attracted nearly eight million viewers)? There was a Trinny and Susannah makeover (tragedy!), The Vagina Monologues (who hasn’t?), Loose Women (obvs!) and the odd turn as Vanessa Feltz’s radio stand-in. Suffice to say no role has come close to the genius that is Dorien, so hurrah she is back and trashier than ever. While Tracey and Sharon are no spring chickens, their ageless antagonist looks the same today as she did when the show first aired in 1989, which perhaps says more about her appearance 20 years ago... Oh, c’mon, she can take it! Dorien is a first-class nouveau riche bitch, and our favourite Bird on TV.