12 days of Brexmas: The countdown to the Prime Minister’s Brexit vote

The countdown is on not just to Christmas, but the key vote on Brexit, which the Government has just announced will be on December 11. Before that there may be a TV debate, more resignations and deadlock about which route Britain should take before it’s due to leave the EU on March 29 next year.

This is a battle for the future that hangs on winning MPs’ votes, but, besieged on all sides in the Commons, the Prime Minister has decided to fight for them by making the case for her deal outside Westminster. Will that be enough for the fear of chaos if the deal is voted down to force MPs into line?

The question everyone wants to know the answer to is: what’s going to happen? But the message from the inside is: no one knows. So let’s imagine.

Count down to what’s supposed to be Britain’s last official Christmas inside the EU with our Brexit Advent Calendar, where every day is a surprise. What might lie ahead? Open up to find out…

Behind the door: Welsh leek

The PM is in Wales today but in the House of Commons the Government is busy begging MPs to back its exit deal — and that means promises and presents. Would a knighthood suit — one MP’s just been given one out of the blue. Or maybe a peerage one day? And then there’s that place on that trade commission visit to Barbados. All it takes is a little painless vote for the Brexit exit deal. Not enough? Skiing weekend with Prince Harry? False identity and a secure address for life? Anything? Please…

Behind the door: Norwegian phrasebook

What’s this in the advent window today? Yes, it’s a peek inside Mrs May’s travel phrasebook — and let’s imagine which language it’s written in? Look at what she’s underlined. ‘Jeg snakker bare litt norsk.’ Sounds like Norwegian!

Maybe there is a Plan B for Brexit after all? So sing along everybody — “Det europeiske frihandelsforbund er fantastisk.”

Behind the door: salmon

What if the Commons votes no to the exit deal? There’s a big push among some MPs for Britain to bed down with hunky Norwegian model Svein instead. So we can see him through today’s window — he’s rich, good-looking, free-trading and, er, oh, hang on, very EU-rule-taking. Boo! Boring old Svein!

Behind the door: croissant

Or maybe it’s time to move elsewhere to beat the Brexit blues? What about saying “Je déménage à Paris’ like all the rich bankers and hopping on the Eurostar to start a new life. Oops. Hang on. Paris seems to be full of rioters and on fire. Not so attractive after all. So it’s back to the House of Commons where…

Behind the door: invite to the palace

… MPs are beginning the first of five days of debate on the Brexit plan today. Not that we can see many MPs changing their minds through our advent window. Though the whips are still trying hard. Want to marry a minor royal? A bypass around that constituency bottleneck? We’ll rename a major airport after you? Anything… just name your price.

Behind the door: £1 billion

Talking of naming prices, we’re still in Westminster with today’s window on day two of the debate. So how’s that £1 billion for the DUP — which was supposed to make them loyal — working out?

Behind the door: fir tree

Yes, in the Commons the debate is going on. But today’s window looks up to the other end of Whitehall. It’s the day which until now had been our own special link with Norway — when the Trafalgar Square Christmas lights are switched on, on a new tree sent over from Oslo every year since 1947.

Rumours that this year the Norwegians are sending a special battery pack as well to keep them on “just in case the power fails in London very soon” are claimed to be unfounded by Downing Street.

Behind the door: Jean-Claude Juncker

Meanwhile, the PM has promised a televised debate with Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn — which seems a strange way to persuade Conservative MPs to join her side. And will there be room for Remainers and Brexiteers too? Or even someone from across the Channel? What about our favourite cheeky Luxembourgish Santa, Jean-Claude Juncker. Looks like it’s going to be a merry old Christmas after all — maybe just not in the UK, ho, ho, ho!

Behind the door: TV remote

It’s debate day — if it goes ahead. Jeremy Corbyn might have a white beard and a twinkle in his eye but he isn’t going to deliver down the chimney that longed-for second referendum.

Behind the door: stamina

Monday means we are back in the Commons, where MPs are debating day four of Brexit, deal or no deal.

So today’s advent gift is the one you have always wanted. Yes, it’s an amendable motion, thanks to Commons Speaker John Bercow. Happy meaningful vote, everybody!

Behind the door: ballot paper

It’s the big day at Westminster at last — when MPs get to vote on the deal. And what’s on our advent calendar? You say that a peerage won’t be enough to bring you on board? An earldom, then? If the carrots don’t work, the stick.

By the way, did I mention that it’s amazing what you can tell from someone’s browsing history. I mean, who knew that dolphins could even do that? And where did they get the butter? Oh — so maybe you will support the PM after all? Yes, it’s our advent parliamentary climbdown.

Behind the door: nothing

At Chequers Mrs May is staring at an empty table. There is no other deal on it. “Christmas is Christmas,” she is heard muttering. “And we will make a success of it.” Happy 2019, everyone!