Who hit Sir Alex with pizza?

Bush or Kerry? The future of Iraq. Oil company profits.

These are all very important issues, of course, and the subject of much intense debate.

But there is only question that really matters today, and that is: Who threw the pizza?

The pizza in question, of course, was the one which hit Sir Alex Ferguson in the face after the explosive Arsenal v Manchester United match at Old Trafford on Sunday.

Following a foul by United striker Ruud van Nistelrooy on Ashley Cole, a dressing-room bust-up erupted between the players in which an Arsenal player threw a slice of pizza.

We know where the pizza ended up - all over Sir Alex, 62, who had to change before giving a post-match interview.

But who was responsible? Fortunately, we can now say beyond any doubt whatsoever: it was Ashley Cole. Absolutely definitely. Or possibly Cesc Fabregas. Without a doubt.

The answer depends on which red-top one chooses to believe.

The Sun declared with absolute certainty today that the mystery pizza-thrower was Cole himself, who had been aiming at van Nistelrooy only to miss and hit Sir Alex instead (prompting the thought that, with this demonstration of accuracy, it was no wonder his team lost 2-0 and blew away their record run of 49 Premiership game wins).

The Daily Star however decided with equal certainty that the man with the margherita was 17-year-old Spaniard Fabregas, who was an unused sub in the match.

According to the Star's analysis, it was betting patterns which gave the game away.

Bookmakers laying odds on the name of the attacker were swamped with cash for the highly-rated young midfielder pushing his price from 20-1 down to 2-1, leading to the suspicion that bets were being placed by punters with inside information.