Are you a Hoxton hipster?

Girls: army jacket and cropped gaucho trousers or drainpipe denim, worn with coloured socks and battered trainers (Converse or vintage Nike) or round-toed heels. Jewellery made by your designer friends. Your hair should look as if you cut it yourself when you were drunk.

Boys: low-slung washed-out jeans, which cost about £200 from the new vintage Levi's shop on Newburgh Street, W1, but you tell people you picked them up on Brick Lane for a fiver. Obscure trainers that you can get only in Japan. A growing-out mullet haircut and a few days' facial hair growth. Never wear a Hoxton fin - they're so over.

Where to hang out

The 333 on Saturday nights; Hoxton Square Bar and Kitchen (so cool it doesn't even have a sign outside); Jaguar Shoes on Kingsland Road; the Bricklayer's Arms and the Red Lion, Tommy Guns hairdressers and the Jake and Dinos Chapman exhibition at the White Cube2 gallery.

Where to live

Luxe loft living is so Nineties. You need to live in a virtually uninhabitable warehouse (refer to it as a "shell"). It has no hot water or heating, but that will be your project for the next few years.

What to ride

A kid's BMX or a Chopper for getting about in Shoreditch, or a scooter for those rare trips out of the "ghetto".