Up all night: My new iphone app makes me feel a little cheap

Sexy sells, so my photographer Marcus and I have decided to update my iPhone app to add a bit of sauce to it.

Last year we began asking people to spend 69p on a risqué pocket clock, featuring me - dressed scantily in Chantilly lace lingerie - winding the cogs inside an ornate watch.

I don't like to think that my cleavage is only worth 69p, but just think, if it got a little cult following in Japan the pennies could add up to a lot.

So today we're re-shooting, adding an extra outfit so that chaps with the app can select my underwear themselves. It was all Marcus's idea (a very chic and classy one, I like to think). I was adamant that it shouldn't be like one of those "Gym boobs" or "Sexy spot the difference" apps that would annoy a girl if she saw it on her boyfriend's phone.

Fortunately, although Marcus and I make quite risqué art together, he never leers. Lots of photographers shooting me in burlesque attire pretend to be artists but are actually artful pervs. I'm dressed in the planned outfit: a little red pillbox hat and matching heels, standing against a green screen in my living room. We shoo the cats out of the way and get going.

I bend forward a little to show some cleavage, paste on a pin-up grin and begin winding a wooden handle.

Before long I notice the two young boys from the flats opposite, making themselves comfortable on the wall across the street. Marcus insists that we can't shut the curtain because we need the natural light on me, so I try to ignore them and turn around. But when I glance back there are now five boys in the audience - and a woman.

"Let's take a tea break," says Marcus, exasperated. I brew a nice pot of Lady Grey and as I pour, someone knocks on the door.

It's my Romanian neighbour. "I was wondering if you need any actors," he offers. "I've always wanted to get into porn."

"We're not shooting porn, we're shooting a gentlemen's curiosity pocket-watch app. And nobody would spend 69p at all if you were in it."