The Crush: Joan and Tracy

Oh to have gone on holiday with our favourite BFFs: art world ancienne terrible Tracey Emin and self-appointed national treasure Joan Collins.

The unlikely twosome spent much of July together in St Tropez where they celebrated Tracey’s big 5-0, compared leathery tans and drank so much champagne that 80-year-old Joan tweeted: ‘What’s the best cure for a hangover?’

Had Crush been invited, we would have been there with an Egg McMuffin and a pint of Berocca before you could say ‘shoulder pads’.

We so would have ditched our own plans to play gooseberry to this brilliantly eccentric, filthy-rich pair who are never afraid to speak their minds — imagine the banter! Tracey: ‘Oi, Joan, the maid’s only gone and made my f***ing bed again.’ Joan: ‘Dahling, we’ve been over this; it’s not art any more. It’s dirty sheets.’

As there’s only room for one glamazon in any relationship (and Madame Collins with her leopard print and sequined cruise collection is it), Crush is thrilled to see that Joan has been giving Trace style tips in the form of face-consuming sunglasses and a huge floppy sunhat: ‘You’re not in Margate now, sweetie.’