Professor Green's My London

'Ban all cyclists - they get on my nerves. They're so self-righteous'

10 April 2012

Home is
East London. I spent 20 years of my life in Upper Clapton but I don't live there any more.

Where do you stay?
I like Sanderson for its Purple Bar and the purple billiard table. I love the modern, US-style rooms at the W Hotel, it's the closest I've been to New York.

What was the last show you saw?
La Soirée on the South Bank. It was strange. There was a guy who could fit himself through the head of a tennis racket.

What advice would you give a tourist?
Spend time with friends or friends of friends. You'll encounter a much more honest and genuine side of the city that way.

If you could live in any building which one would it be?
The Freemasons' Hall on Great Queen Street. I once performed there and it was one of the most surreal gigs I've done.

What do you most like wearing?
My Puma tracksuit - I like lounging about without worrying what I look like.

Which is your favourite shopping street?
Dover Street, for the variety.

What's the best meal you've had?
A roast and a nice pint of Samuel Smith at The Garrison on Bermondsey Street.

What's your earliest London memory?
A very windy shopping trip to Hamleys with my dad when I was five.

Do you have a recurring dream?
No, but I used to suffer from sleep paralysis, when your eyes are open but you're not actually awake.

How would you like the opening line of your obituary to read?
'Sick life.' That would be my entire obituary.

What's the first thing you do when you come home?
Walk my dog Alfie, a Staffordshire bull terrier. He's been having tantrums as I haven't been home much.

What's your biggest extravagance?
I spend a lot on eating out. I've given up trying to cook.

Which is your favourite club?
I like having an Old Fashioned at The Groucho, it should be poncy in there but it's not.

What would you do as Mayor for the day?
Ban all cyclists because they get on my nerves. They're so self-righteous. They don't obey the rules and when they come close to getting hit they swear at you.

What's the best piece of advice you've been given?
My old friend, the rapper Skinnyman, once said to me that a true friend should never be a hindrance.

Which animal would you like to be?
A dolphin. They're the only other species that has sex just for the fun of it.

What was the last album you bought?
Drake's album Take Care. There's a track produced by Jamie from The xx that features Rihanna - it's incredible.

What are you up to at the moment?
I'm promoting my new single 'Never Be A Right Time', my tour in April and I've got another album to make. I don't like not working, I like to keep myself occupied.

Who's your hero?
My nan. She brought me up and she's done everything for me.

Which London shops do you rely on?
Sunspel on Redchurch Street does really nice T-shirts and boxers. Puma on Carnaby Street for its Suedes and Clydes. If I'm in trainers, I'll be in them. Harvey Nichols for the bits of Givenchy that no one else gets. The Hideout on Upper James Street in Soho stocks one of my favourite brands, Norse Projects - their clothes fit my lanky frame.

Where were the last places you went on holiday?
Both my last holidays were to Ibiza. I went with 12 mates and it was like being on a big family holiday. We stayed in a villa just outside Old Town, which is the nicer part of the island - you don't get so many Brits abroad. I went back again with my ex-girlfriend Candy, a mate and his ex-girlfriend. It was a less relaxing holiday, we went out a lot more - but the holiday wasn't the reason we all split up.

Have you ever had a run-in with a policeman?
Yes, many a time, but fortunately I was never convicted. I once got raided by SR19 and Scotland Yard Kidnap Unit. It wasn't the best situation.

What is your favourite London discovery?
I'm not making myself out to be much of a gangster but there's a lovely coffee shop on Great Titchfield Street called Kaffeine.

Tell me something I don't know about London...
Green grapes cause more accidents on the Tube than banana skins.

'Never Be A Right Time' is out on 23 January

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