How to perfect your party exit strategy

What is the most important weapon in your party arsenal? Opaque tights? Nurofen Plus? A sequinned thong? Wrong. It’s the ‘French exit’.

The French exit, or the less catchy Irish Goodbye — leaving without informing others — is a vital tool for those on a terrifyingly tight schedule of festive social engagements. Saying goodbye to everyone you’ve ever met is both unnecessary and a tad narcissistic, but a French exit must be deployed correctly.

Stage one is a tight hug and a clearly whispered, ‘I love you. Thank you’, into the ear of your host before you slip out stage left. Stage two — actually extricating yourself from a drunken fug of friends — can be trickier.

My friend Elizabeth says to get in the mindset of a Frexiteer, you must adopt the mental fortitude of a good Catholic schoolgirl: ‘It’s always better to pull out early than end up doing something you regret, with possibly life-altering consequences.’ Dolly suggests buying everyone a round of drinks before you leave; a cool if profligate move (and bastardised by my cousin, Orlando, who offers to buy a round and then bails en route to the bar — this is a bad Frexit).

Daisy says a good Frexit is actually about the after-care: bail without a second thought, but send flowers the next day. My Paris-dwelling pal Monica says that if you know you have limited time at a party, circulate ‘graciously but efficiently, to make your presence widely known’. That said, even the French agree that leaving without quietly thanking your host is ‘really just being rude’. Bonne chance.