Barometer! Bangles, Birkins and billionaires

Allow us to roll out the formaldehyde-stained red carpet for the 16-times-facelifted, Verbier-dwelling art bitches — back in town for Frieze. If in doubt, say, “Isn’t it a terrible year?”

Meet you at the Polo Bar

In the depressingly vacant Vogue House, a glimmer of preppy hope: Ralph Lauren’s restaurant, the Polo Bar, is set to open in its place.

Dirt-core

Take a roll in London Fields to chic up your outfit — such is the message from the Barbican’s new show, Dirty Looks. Washers away!

Beef tartare

Hero of the menu at Motorino restaurant, Stevie Parle’s latest venture. Form an orderly queue.

LinkedIn boasting ...

...“Can compensate for performing badly at work,” a study has found. For the record, LinkedIn boasters are the bottom-barrel worst type of person.

The National Gallery’s benches

These fabulous merlot-hued leather sofas are being flogged at £1,200 a pop, because they’re difficult to clean and not fire safe. This verges on a national hate crime.

Posh karaoke

A new pimped-up karaoke bar appears to be opening every week. All for belting out Like a Prayer, but making karaoke your personality? Embarrassing.

Nikolay Storonsky

The Revolut chief executive, one of Britain’s richest men, has upped sticks and headed to the UAE. With thanks to Rachel Reeves, as ever.