Hitting the union jackpot with Jubilee merchandise

It’s bigger business than last year’s royal wedding, not to mention this summer’s Olympics. The Queen, her corgi dogs and, more importantly, union flags are making millions this week for London’s retailers. While Diamond Jubilee bunting at John Lewis has sold out, M&S has had to re-order supplies of its corgi cushions and its Winston doorstop is its fastest, bestselling doorstop ever. We're drowning in memorabilia, much of it the same old stuff repackaged in red, white and blue with a crown on it.

Shop around, though, and you’ll find genuinely amusing things out there. The best are both irreverent and witty such as London-based Suzi Warren’s Twisted Twee Lucky Pants (adult £15; baby £12), which have proved popular. “I’m a massive fan of the royal family. Not that I could give a hoot about them personally, but as a tradition they are completely fabulous. The fact that they are out of touch and irrelevant to most people is their strength,” Warren says.

Another designer profiting from inverse patriotism is 25-year-old Lydia Leith, who was able to launch her own business last year after her royal wedding sick bags, which she designed as a joke among friends, became an unexpected overnight sensation. Suddenly the £3 paper bags were featured in the global press, trending on Twitter and selling in their thousands. Leith is hoping for a similar success with her Diamond Jubilee Sick Bags and has also launched temporary tattoos and jelly moulds in the shape of the Queen’s head.

King of the fashion slogan Henry Holland, another fan of the monarchy, tastefully expresses his feelings on a pricey — at £25 — limited-edition tea towel thus: “I’m So Excited I Could Wee, It’s the Queen’s Jubilee”, while Ann Summers, never shy to cash in — sex, after all, is a perennial bestseller — has simply repackaged its popular bullet vibrators. Girls, choose between Union Jack candy stripes or the more discreet regal purple version, with glittering diamanté detail.

No trend is complete without a vajazzle and, sure enough, the Majazzle, launched last month by online sex store Lovehoney.co.uk, is the ultimate must-have girlie accessory for her intimate crown jewels. Company owner Neal Slateford admitted he wanted to “get in on the fun, making it a jubilee for your jubblies or a sparkling street party for your sexy bits”. So, not necessarily one for your mother-in-law, unless she’s a die-hard Towie fan.

Bakers have already bagged all the best royal-themed paper bakeware — corgi cake-toppers, paper thrones etc — for their street parties. Like all the best trends it’ll be over by the end of the summer and we won’t have to look at another Union Jack in this quantity until 2022, when the Queen celebrates her Platinum Jubilee — she will have ruled for 70 years.