Why are men like Giovanni Pernice so bad at recognising when their behaviour is threatening?

As a lifelong Strictly ignorer, you’ll have to forgive me for not following the latest on-set drama with very much interest or intrigue. Bullying is common in many industries and domineering men are present in nearly every facet of life. That’s not to say it’s okay — quite the opposite. As a woman, the cost of paying attention to every one of these news stories would be my sanity. 

That was until something forced me to focus on it. Giovanni Pernice has given his first tell-all interview since the BBC investigation was launched into his behaviour towards former Strictly contestant and actress Amanda Abbington this May. 

Earlier this year, the Sherlock and Safe actress accused Pernice of continuous harassment during their training sessions, which she said would lead her to “vomit and cry”. Abbington has also claimed that the harassment left her with mild symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder.

When the investigation was concluded this September, the BBC upheld Abbington’s complaints of verbal bullying and harassment, but rejected allegations of physical aggression. 

Now Pernice is telling his side of the story. In a “world exclusive” interview with the Daily Mail (because of course it was with the Mail), Pernice details his character assassination from within hallowed walls of the Groucho club (couldn’t they have picked somewhere less... storied? Like a church? Or a Costa?). “She's the person who would start the joke,” he tells the Mail. “She would tell a dark joke. That was the banter we had from the beginning, very rude banter.”

This is Pernice’s main defense. That Abbington could ‘take’ the “banter” and that her actions since the show have been an effort to “destroy” his career. 

It is an argument we have all heard before. Men who are either carelessly or willfully unaware of their own imposing nature, so genuinely surprised by the consequences of their actions that they think it must be a calculated plan to ruin their lives. Instead of, say, teaching them a lesson. Getting justice. Or protecting other people. Even “teaching them a lesson” makes it sound malicious, but that’s exactly what men like Pernice need: a lesson in how to treat people and how they come across.

What men so often forget is that, for women, their very presence can already feel like a threat. From minute one, we are on the backfoot. Anyone who has ever had a playfight with a man only to emerge harrowingly aware of their own strength (or comparative lack of) can attest to this. Not only are men (on average) physically bigger and more imposing, whether they wish to be or not, they’re also more likely to be believed. Shot, chaser.

The best men in the world carry this understanding of themselves in their core, constantly aware of what their position in the body of A Man™ means. They will purposefully cross to the other side of the street at night. Sit far away from you on an empty bus. Apologise for raising their voices if it comes to it. Consult their female friends to make sure they’re not being out of line. It sounds simple but I’d say about two in ten of my male friends actively make these decisions.

Pernice might not be a bad guy, but regardless, he made a woman feel threatened, and in his innate position of power, intent doesn’t matter at that point. He doesn’t need to be cancelled. He can learn, and grow, and get better. We need to have faith in men to do so, otherwise what’s the point? But for now, Pernice has a lot of work to do. Let’s hope he has a kinder teacher than he was.