Are you post-friends?

Saturday night. A club. ‘No Diggity’ booms loudly out of the speakers.

All is right with the world until, as I’m heading to the dance floor, a friend whispers in my ear. ‘I’m late,’ she says. Suddenly I’ve been collared for a deep and meaningful chat, which means my night of fun is over. But before you cast me off as a terrible person, please hear me out. I’m not. I’m just emotionally tapped out. I can’t do DMCs any more.

And I’m not alone.

A few rainy nights ago, a couple of post-work pints deep in the pub with some co-workers, it became apparent that no one — no one — around the table wanted to leave and meet up with their ‘real’ friends. We all just wanted more of the light-hearted small talk that comes from conversing with colleagues; not mood-deadening discussion of world events, relationship troubles, how you deserve that promotion or the latest drama with your home chain selling/purchasing. Collectively, we decided, we are post-friends.

What has happened is this: the pandemic forced us to take a socialising gap year, after which we rushed out to be with our nearest and dearest, with whom we shared all the heavy, inward thinking we had done while locked up at home. That, basically, was the second half of 2021: one long, arduous DMC, with some Omicron for dessert. But enough is enough. Life is in full swing and the simple question needs to be asked… why so serious? There is plenty to be worried and stressed about in the modern day but can we, ahead of summer, just pretend that ignorance is bliss? Don’t we deserve that? There is barely a soul out there who has been left unscathed in the pandemic years, but instead of talking about it, can we just not?

The benefits of inconsequential nattering, on a psychological level, should not be underestimated. ‘If people are close to burnout, if they’re languishing, it can actually really preserve resilience not to go into the deep conversations about things that you cannot change,’ says Dr Grace Lordan, associate professor in behavioural science at the London School of Economics. ‘If you internalise everything that’s on the news and what’s going on in the world, those light relief moments become really important.’

It’s almost like we’ve all forgotten the art of small talk and are jumping straight in with the harder stuff, whacking our close friends over the head with our emotional baggage and the weight of the world. We’ve all become experts on viral transmissions, and more recently pivoted to foreign relations and the minute details of the Russia-Ukraine war, but when it comes to catch-ups, while we’re off the clock, can we just all agree to push the critical conversations to one side? Lordan has also been noticing a ‘fatigue of big issues’ as we are bombarded daily with negative news stories: ‘What happens is that people just tune out.’

Enter semi-strangers. Acquaintances. Colleagues with whom you would never dream of sharing anything remotely serious. Unplanned after-work drinks that start and finish whenever you feel like it. We should be celebrating the festivities lost since our lives were on pause, rewriting history and making up for lost time. So… if you see me in a bar, consider simply commenting on the weather rather than the meaning of life. And to my friends, if you are reading this, please feel free to remove me from the WhatsApp group.