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The top ten vulgar features

Daily Mail Reporter

13 April 2012

1. Wooden decking - belongs on the beach, not in a back garden in Braintree

2. Coloured gravel - makes crazy paving look the height of taste and restraint
3. Any plastic water feature - Lord, deliver us from miniature waterfalls
4. Instant gazebos - should only be seen in Las Vegas wedding videos
5. Solar-powered garden lights - it's a garden, not a science lab
6. Built-in barbecue - very Footballers'Wives
7. Busy lizzies - some things don't change
8. Dwarf mauve chrysanthemums - bad enough when they were full-size!
9. Leylandii - anti-social, vulgar hedge giants
10. Wind chimes - Flower Power went out in the Sixties

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