An idiot's guide to DIY

out, so you can safely suspend your Sam Taylor-Wood from it. If you're looking to hang something a little more substantial, say an elephant-dung painting, go for a heavy-duty hook screwed into a Rawlplug.

Connecting a washing machine Before you come over all Handy Andy, make sure the water pressure is powerful enough to run your new domestic pet. And whatever you do, don't remove the drum mounting or transit bolts ? unless, of course, you want your washing machine to waltz across the kitchen floor. NB: inlet hoses are blue and red for a reason (blue = cold water supply, red = hot water supply), not because they look pretty.

Putting up a shelf Don't rely on the naked eye when putting up a shelf. Spirit level is the tool and spur shelving is the way. Before fixing anything to the wall, check for hidden water/gas pipes or electrical wires, then make sure your vertical supports are level and parallel. Once you've got that sorted, hook in the shelf supports, cut shelves to desired length and pile on the Wedgwood.

Rewiring a light-bulb holder For this operation, you really want to turn off the power before you get out your wire strippers and screwdriver. Provided you remember to do that, it's plain sailing from there on in, because it doesn't even matter which way you put the wires into your new bulb holder. If, having done all this, your new bulb holder still doesn't work, try switching the power back on.