A hellish destination

I'll wager you haven't come across the Mandeville Hotel before. Well, unless you're a tourist, you wouldn't: it was hardly in the hip destination category. Now, with a snazzy remodel, cocktail-fabulous bar and 'designer' restaurant, it's clearly setting its cap at the glitterati. Sadly, The Sanderson it ain't.

In a hilarious room, we endured some terrible food. The decor by top designer Stephen Ryan - might as well name and shame - is described as Venetian. So we get flock wallpaper, mask wall lights, a vast portrait of what looks like that rabbit in Donnie Darko and a huge pair of tortured-looking, black Fuzzy-Felt figures, weird refugees from an S&M emporium.

If chef Jason Booker was actually in the kitchen (we were the only diners), he should be ashamed of himself: the 'world fusion' menu reads badly and tastes worse.

We had damp Swiss rolls of prawn paste-stuffed seaweed, fried and served with mouth-puckering preserved lemon; raw potato cradled watery poached eggs and damp spinach; a plate of British cheeses - chalky Somerset Brie and fridge-cold, plastic Cheddar - that was simply disgraceful.

While we ate, staff set up tables and toted vacuum cleaners. The deVille restaurant is a hoot, unless, of course, you baulk at paying good money for bad food.

A meal for two with wine, water and service costs about £100. The Mandeville Hotel, Mandeville Place W1. Tel: 020 7935 4040. www.mandeville.co.uk Tube: Bond Street

deVille
The Mandeville Hotel, Mandeville Place, W1