Ticket to drive into Pole position

Next time the Tube is on strike, chaos reigns on the buses and, like Ken, you've walked seven miles to work, wouldn't it be easier if Londoners mucked in and drove the things themselves?

The idea is not as far-fetched as it sounds, at least not in western Poland, where you can spend a weekend learning to drive a tram.

The ancient city of Poznan, a three-hour train trip west from Berlin, is best seen from the No 5 tram as it pushes its way from the station through the late spring snow up the twisting streets to the Stary Rynek, the rebuilt town hall and Poznan's star attraction. As soon as those tram doors shut you are in real Poland - all students with blonde hair and old ladies clutching bags full of sausages.

It is here, on 50 kilometres of tram track, that, with a little local help, your dream comes true: three days at the helm of a tram to become a proper driver out there on those narrow, cobbled streets.

The scheme is simple, operated by the Wolsztyn Experience, a nonprofit-making company set up more than a decade ago to allow visitors to get hands-on experience of driving steam trains under the strict guidance of local crews, with profits ploughed back into vehicle maintenance.

The same idea has now been put on the tramlines in Poznan and already 70 visitors have tried this break. You get six hours of driving tuition all over the city in a dual-control tram and the Poznan transport authority gets much needed funds. It's the sort of public/private finance initiative that John Prescott would be happy with.

"When you go to a zoo you see real animals but you know that they're in a man-made environment," says Howard Jones, of the Wolsztyn Experience. "Drive a tram in Poznan and it's as though you're on a safari in the transport world."

Krzysztof Chrzan is waiting at the tram depot. He's my instructor and within half an hour I'm at the helm of a cream-and-green monster which, for the initiated, is a Type GT8, fleet number 662. Ten tons, 50ft long, built for Dusseldorf in 1960 and just one of the seven types in the Poznan fleet.

Behind me at a console sits Krzysztof's colleague, who can take control if necessary. So, with Krzysztof beside me, I set off on the open Polish road, just one of a line of trams pulling out into the lunchtime traffic. I can't carry passengers but I've got to learn everything: so ring bell, close doors, hold very - and I do mean very - tight, please, and off we go.

It sounds easy - all you have to do is go and stop, with the tracks set out already for you. At my feet is a dead man's pedal - take my foot off and everything stops. One lever for forward or reverse, and my driving handle - anti-clockwise to accelerate, clockwise to brake. In the middle, the all-important zero. I accelerate away ... and nothing happens. Krzysztof, not for the first time, has to explain that I've forgotten to wait two seconds on the first notch from zero while the traction is applied to the drive. Move the handle too fast and the circuit breakers cut in and the tram stays where it is.

Back to zero and try again. This time I can feel the tram move and we're off with a horrible sound. "It's wheel spin," says Krzysztof. "You must watch the track and see how oil is mixing with the snow, just slow down." I'm more worried about the passengers in the trams behind me, all trying to get back to work. I can hear their excuses.

"Sorry I'm late back but one of those English visitors was learning to drive the tram in font of us." But I soon get the hang of it and the 40-year-old German machine becomes a friend.

There are rules, of course: not too close to the tram in front. Slow down and ring the warning bell when approaching those tram stops where passengers' eager faces turn to gloom as they realise, when I don't stop, that it's a tourist having the time of his life.

After an hour I'm relaxed, enjoying the speed on the straights, when, suddenly, at a junction I start too quickly and block the Poznan equivalent of the North Circular. In one moment I have to change

points, give way to another tram and almost miss my special traffic light. For trams a vertical bar means go, a horizontal one, stop - I pray for a long one with a large drink.

A voice comes from the instructor's console behind me: "He owes you six beers, Krzysztof." Every half mile or so a small white sign with a red line indicates a gap in the wire supplying the electric current. It means I must move my driving handle to zero or the motor will cut out. Every sign missed is a beer for Krzysztof and his mate and soon I'll be buying a small brewery. Could I be that bad?

With three hours' driving under my belt, it's time for the supreme

test: the city centre. I edge up the cobbled hill, now full of bustling traffic, with the driver of every other tram giving me a wave of encouragement and a knowing look. It's the height of the rush hour and I feel rather conspicuous in my empty vehicle. In the slippery gloom taxis and passing cars seem to play tag with me on the narrow streets. Don't they know I can't swerve?

In the old town centre I finally have to stop and the ride of a lifetime is over far too quickly. I hand over my tram and wander off with Krzysztof to pay my debts. Over the first of many beers I ask for my report. "Another three months," he says, "and I'll give you a job."

Way to go

Three-day driving courses with Wolsztyn Experience (01628 524876) cost £360 per person (minimum two participants), including eight hours tuition, or £440 for one person with six hours tuition, and B&B at the four-star Park Hotel, overlooking Maltanskie Lake. Packages, including flights, can be arranged from £250 extra.