Weird chain of events at Loftus Road

13 April 2012

One thing is certain about the people at Queens Park Rangers. They are better at playing football than staging demonstrations. QPR are so far up financial Brown Creek that they are searching for the very boat beneath them, never mind the paddle.

Thus it was that in a "symbolic gesture" to show their concern for the future of the ground, fans grandly pledged to form a human chain around Loftus Road before last night's Second Division match against Swindon.

Members of the Loyal Supporters' Association and the Supporters' Trust were to link arms 15 minutes before kick-off and hold fast until 10 minutes into the match. Very meaningful, it says here.

In the event it proved a tad ambitious. The few who turned up would have been overstretched forming a human chain around a lamppost.

The ragged crew were all but outnumbered by representatives of the local constabulary, and made themselves look feebler still by roping in a couple of small children to wave earnest banners clearly written by the grown-ups. As for the supposed 7.30pm to 7.55pm duration, anyone turning up at 7.29pm missed the noble gesture entirely.

In truth, even the most die-hard of demonstrators must have been relieved they packed up early, because if they hadn't they would have missed the best start QPR have made to a match in ages. This was one of those weird games in which events went so much against form that you wondered if the players had exchanged shirts before kick-off instead of afterwards.

Recall manager Ian Holloway's assessment after the 4-0 drubbing his side suffered at Swansea in the first round of the FA Cup on Sunday: "Lack of character ... bunch of losers ... absolutely spineless ... no fight ... club has stunk of this for over five years ... ", and so on.

Crikey. Steady on.

Hence last night it was not surprising that one team was two goals up within eight minutes. The puzzling part was that it was Rangers. Swindon could hardly get near the ball.

QPR barely had to wait three minutes before homecoming hero Kevin Gallen - back at his old club after barren spells at Huddersfield and Barnsley - put Doudou through to notch up the first goal.

Five minutes later Steve Palmer's effort from Gallen's cross was parried by Bart Griemink only for Oliver Burgess to slot the ball home.

The Loftus Road faithful cheered in such a way as to suggest this was all perfectly normal and no more than they had expected.

It was more than half an hour before Swindon produced anything resembling a shot, but as that effort came from Danny Invincible it must be reported in order to mention his preposterous name.

Swindon's most entertaining player for reasons wholly unconnected with football was Neil ' Gutbucket' Ruddock.

The portly defender displayed a mesmerising series of tics and twitches to occupy the time as he watched the game from the fringes of the defence. Every now and again he got involved in some obligatory playground incident, thus permitting the crowd to ridicule simultaneously his girth, his gender and his parentage. (''You fat girly bastard'', in case you were wondering.) To say he is becoming a caricature of himself is unfair. After all, it implies he was once something more than that.

Meantime, having played a part in two goals Gallen got his own name on the scoresheet in the 36th minute. Swindon had the better of the second half but could not make it count.

Their fans were sufficiently desperate to chant: "Stand up if you're in the Cup'', only to be drowned out by the reply: "Stand up if you're 3-0 up.'' But before the end three became four when Andy Thomson celebrated new fatherhood by scoring his 13th goal of the season.

It was every bit the boost required before the derby against secondplaced Brentford at Griffin Park on Saturday. True, it was disappointing that no one chanted: "You're Shittu and you know you are'' to QPR's Nigerian defender Dan Shittu. But you can't have everything.

Holloway positively purred with pleasure afterwards. Not so his opposite number Roy Evans, who stomped off back to Wiltshire without commenting.

The Loftus Road fans had the last word. They lingered on the Uxbridge Road, announcing loudly the existence of only one Kevin Gallen.

Perhaps they were optimistically hoping to see him going home on the 207 bus. He never gave up his flat in Ealing after all.

Stranger things have happened, and few have been more unexpected than QPR's performance last night.

QPR v Swindon - match stats
Second Division table

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