We'll all get the blues

It could be worse. West Ham could be Wimbledon. Or even Arsenal. The Gunners are caught in Catch-22. Without a 60,000-seat stadium, they'll never compete with Manchester United. But building that stadium could bankrupt them.

That's why there are no players coming into Highbury, but rumours of players going out. Gooners beware. If the bids for Patrick Vieira, Thierry Henry, Robert Pires & Co are big enough, can your board afford to say no?

Things are only marginally better at Spurs. The club has an outstanding £75m bond, repayable over 20 years, and an additional £15m rights issue may follow. Meanwhile, the club has issued a profit-warning. Hardly the rosiest outlook.

Fulham have a warning of their own for Chelsea. They, too, found a big-spending sugar daddy, who bought players they could never otherwise afford. Now Mohamed Fayed's off to Switzerland, there's no sign of a new stadium and the bubble could burst at any moment.

Reality always catches up in the end. A fortnight ago, Chelsea's reality was that of a club in serious trouble. The next few years at Stamford Bridge will seem like a dream come true. But it won't be much fun waking up if Abramovich takes his roubles elsewhere. There are, of course, solutions. For the umpteenth time, one stadium, shared between the Football Association, Arsenal and Spurs would rescue all three institutions. If London gets the 2012 Olympics, West Ham are the obvious tenants for the massive new stadium in Stratford.

A decade from now, it could be a golden age for football in the capital. But they'll need a new runway at Heathrow to handle all the flying pigs.

His record has been remarkably consistent, irrespective of club or division. His sides win just 30 per cent of games, lose 41 per cent and draw 29 per cent. By comparison, Alex Ferguson has won about 57 per cent of games over his career. Glenn Hoddle has a 40 per cent win-rate at Spurs.

What West Ham need is a miracle worker. Sadly Roeder doesn't appear to be that man.

Oldies take rough with the smooth

Good luck to anyone heading off for The Open at Sandwich. Bumper to bumper traffic, massive crowds, searing heat, overpriced everything. Should be a bundle of fun.

But there is another way. Next week sees the British Senior Open at Turnberry. Nicklaus, Player, Palmer, Watson and Jacklin will compete for the £1million prize-money in an atmosphere that's relaxed, intimate and civilised.

It might not be quite as laid-back as the Irish Senior Open, which I attended in May, where you could walk the course with the players and drink with them in the bar.

But even so, if you want a good day out, try the oldies.

Honda's stance over Rossi is wheely weird

At Sunday's British Grand Prix, Valentino Rossi crossed the finishing line in first place but was demoted to third for overtaking under a yellow flag at Donington Park.

Afterwards, Rossi's Honda crew-chief, Aussie Jerry Burgess, was asked for his response. "It's a fair cop," said Burgess.

Rossi had not intended to break the rules, but he had broken them. So, Burgess concluded: "We'll take it on the chin."

What a weird guy. He sees a controversial incident. He doesn't complain about the decision. It's a good thing Burgess works with bikes. He'd have naff-all chance of a career in Premiership football.

Finally, it's a good buy!

This is my final column. (Calm down . . . you'll get over it). Let me take my leave with a shameless plug for a book called Foul Play (Bantam Press, £12.99), published on 8 August. Eight years in the writing, it unveils the full truth behind the match-fixing allegations made against Bruce Grobbelaar, John Fashanu and Hans Segers, for which all three were tried and acquitted.

The book reveals the links between the fourth defendant, Malaysian Heng Suan Lim, and a convicted match-fixing gangster. It describes Fash's bizarrely paranoid business methods. It's packed with sex, booze, coppers, hacks, Swiss bank accounts and even African big-game. And I wrote it. Order your copy now!