The <i>anti </i>sports personality awards

THE TRAGIC GREEKS

Like flawed heroes in an Aristotelian tragedy, Kostas Kenderis and Katerina Thanou were brought down by their own hubris. The Greek athletes believed they were smarter than the drug testers but paid for their folly by missing the Olympics and having their reputations kebabed by a voracious media camped out round the corner.

LEE HUGHES

Another who saw his career effectively ended when he was jailed for six years for causing death by dangerous driving. His employers, West Brom, cancelled his contract and he had to sell his £750,000 Tudor mansion to Emile Heskey.

FARIA ALAM

The dusky beauty who proved she wasn't exactly a Soho square. While her favours ended the career of Mark Palios, they catapulted Sven towards Sex God status. Now she is claiming sexual harassment against a mystery third man, reinforcing her status as the FA trophy.

MALCOLM GLAZER

For a start there is the beard that creeps around his jawline like a sprig of dogweed. But it's not his face, rather his takeover bid for Manchester United that gets him in.

BERNIE ECCLESTONE

Question: how much money does it take to keep a 5ft 4ins man happy? Answer: more than Silverstone has got. The poison dwarf did his damnedest to prise the Grand Prix away from Britain. And guess what? He didn't succeed, but made himself squillions richer in the process.

PAULA RADCLIFFE

Until Natalie Appleton came along, her claims to Wimp of the Year were unrivalled. What did for her was not so much failure in the marathon but how she ducked out of the 10,000 metres once it was clear others were fitter than her.

UNITED PIZZA CHUCKER

Our first mystery entry because it has never been proved which Arsenal player was to blame. But here's a Christmas clue, Fergie: there were two suspects, Ashley Cole and Cesc Fabregas, and Cole says it wasn't him.

ADRIAN MUTU

One of life's golden rules - once you have secured a £60,000-per-week contract, that is - is never give your employer grounds to stop paying your wages. But instead of digesting this lesson, Mutu ingested something else, giving Chelsea the excuse to sack him.

RON ATKINSON

Since he started this, let's talk N-words: Nasty neolithic nefarious nonentity. Nadir. No-good naughty nincompoop nowhere now. Naff off, Channel 5 ...'nuff said?

SAINTS' SINNERS

Rugby league stars Sean Long and Martin Gleeson received bans for betting on their side to lose against Bradford safe in the knowledge St Helens coach Ian Millward would leave out 11 regulars, including them.

SEAN FOX

Became known as the 'jump jockey' when he came off his mount, Ice Saint, in suspicious circumstances at Fontwell. Subsequently received a ban for 'stepping off ' when 'leaping sideways for no apparent reason' would have been a more suitable charge.

STAN COLLYMORE

Deserves a double entry for introducing 'dogging' to the great British public and for his self-pitying whinge of an autobiography which lauds himself and tramples over the sensitivities of almost everyone unfortunate enough to have entered his grubby orbit.

IRINA KORZHANENKO

The Russian shot putter who claimed an Olympic first by refusing to give up her gold medal despite failing a drug test.

KELLY SOTHERTON . . .

For making Lord Coe choke on his slimline tonic by suggesting London might not be the best venue for the 2012 Olympic Games. "My fear is the whole area set aside for the Games would become like a white elephant - like the Millennium Dome," said Britain's leading heptathlete, not realising she was about to be declared a fifth columnist.

. . . AND HER COACH

Charles van Commennee reduced her to tears even before she even started thinking about London's bid. He aired his displeasure minutes after she won bronze in Athens, accusing her of "running like a wimp" in her final race. "Kelly should have got the silver," he grumbled.