Sporting Miscellanies

The prize for the UK Championship provided a prime example of how far snooker's star has fallen since the heady days of the 1980s. Back in 1985, a staggering 18.5million people tuned in to watch the world snooker championship final which ended in an epic 35-frame battle between Dennis Taylor and Steve Davis. Alas, those days are gone and we're left with pies for prizes. Ding Junhui, who won this year's UK title, was awarded £100,000 for his week's work. But that was overshadowed by the real prize on offer from tournament sponsor Pukka Pies - the victor's bodyweight in pies. Ding, 22, weighs 69kg which, as any pie aficionados will know, equates to 276 meat pies. However, rather than scoff the lot, Ding proved that sometimes the nice guys do finish first as he donated all 276 pies to charity Homeless And Rootless At Christmas in his adopted home of Sheffield.

French sophistication? Gallas says Nuts to that

With a few notable exceptions, those French footballers who have crossed the Channel to ply their trade in the Premier League have regularly been depicted as suave, sophisticated and urbane when compared to their English counterparts. Apparently they frequent art galleries, drink fine wine, read Proust and speak perfect English — all characteristics lacking from homegrown British talent. So bravo to Arsenal defender William Gallas for providing a Gallic shrug to that stereotype. The 32-year-old France international bought two — yes, two — copies of lads' mag Nuts at a petrol station near the club's London Colney training ground earlier this week, shattering the illusion of the intellectually superior foreign footballer.

UEFA are no dopes

Conspiracy theorists will have a field day over UEFA's decision to hand one-game bans to CSKA Moscow pair Sergei Ignashevich and Alexei Berezutsky, both of whom failed drugs' tests (due to some dodgy cough medicine). They believe UEFA have it in for English football and will point to Rio Ferdinand's nine-month ban for a missed test back in 2003 to strengthen their argument of one rule for England, another rule for the rest'. Unfortunately, the only thing UEFA are guilty of is displaying a modicum of sense. Apparently, expressing concern over the massive, unsustainable levels of debt in the Premier League is anti-English. It's not, it's pro sport'.

Terry's brief encounter

Credit to Chelsea captain John Terry, who is seemingly so confident in his taste in pants that he's now kitting out his team-mates. The Chelsea programme for the Portsmouth game included the feature JT as Santa' where he chose the perfect festive gifts for his team-mates. Striker Nicolas Anelka will no doubt be thanking Terry for revealing that the Frenchman needs Some decent underwear. He's been wearing some dodgy loud stuff.'

Twitter of the week

"After two days in the field Broady is glowing like a hooker's lightbulb!"

Graeme Swann, not only England's star man in the first innings at Centurion, but also the most consistently entertaining sportsman on twitter gives poor old Stuart Broad a ribbing.