Sporting Miscellanies

Professional sport remains a frustratingly murky world for most mere mortals, so give thanks for those precious moments when the sporting demi-gods part the clouds and allow a few rays of light to illuminate their heavenly lives. The latest to open the book of revelations is Roger Federer, who bared all to that renowned investigative journalist, Rio Ferdinand, in a hard-hitting exchange that had absolutely nothing to do with puffing the fact that both are signed up to Nike. In perhaps the most revealing exchange, Rio grilled Fed on his fashion sensibilities and, in particular, the 'RF' range he recently modelled at Wimbledon. "We always try to do something a bit special," he said. "It's something more personal and it's something people can relate to a bit more." Sure, Rog. Trainers and military-style jackets laden with gold thread just scream grounded common sense in these heady economic times.

ECB handle 12th-man affair with kid gloves

The England and Wales Cricket Board are taking no chances in their efforts to quell Glovegate' ahead of today's Lord's Test. The 12th man who got up Ricky Ponting's Baggy Green at Cardiff, Bilal Shafayat, has been gagged by the ECB, with the Nottinghamshire player refusing all interview requests. Maybe the bigwigs are trying to spare Shafayat the same fate endured by 2005 sub hero Gary Pratt. The man who famously ran out an incandescent Ponting at Trent Bridge now runs a self-storage facility in Bishop Auckland.

Bentley could drive Spurs wild in China

Just on the off-chance that any of their supporters take temporary leave of their senses and fork out hundreds of pounds for a round-the-world trip to China for the wholly pointless Barclays Asia Trophy later this month, Tottenham have provided a few handy travel tips on their website. As well as warning fans not to criticise China or, more bizarrely, Britain when chatting to the natives, the leaflet also highlights a trick currently being played on gullible tourists. Apparently, travellers are engaged in pleasant conversation by seemingly friendly folk, offered some local produce of distinctly dubious quality and then presented with an astronomical bill for the privilege of taking it home. Rumours that the Beijing chancers have nicknamed their ploy The David Bentley' in honour of Spurs' impending visit have yet to be confirmed.

Brentford threatening their pesticide pests

Brentford are making all kinds of dark threats to the "unwelcome and uninvited visitors" who trampled weed-killer into one of Griffin Park's penalty areas last weekend. The club are determined to track down the culprits, although it's probably safe to assume that Marvin Williams can be eliminated from the enquiries. On the basis of his goalscoring form last season, the midfielder wouldn't recognise a six-yard box if it struck him on the behind with a certain stringed instrument.