Sporting Miscellanies

When will the persecution of Our Gracious Becks cease?

As if it wasn't enough for English football's patron saint to be branded unprofessional by a man called 'Landon' and yelled at by idiot Americans pretending to be bovver boys, he has also been forced to contend with some entirely unprovoked goading from basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal.

In a bid to drum up some publicity for his new television show, O'Neal - communicating, with numbing predictability, on his Twitter feed - roared: "Dear david beckham, I kno * heard about my shaq vs show, anyway * will never score a goal on me, I challenge you lil man."

Becks resisted the urge to metaphorically vault the pitch perimeter and kept his counsel, clearly deeming anyone who believes goals can be scored 'on' somebody unworthy of a response.

That prompted a cryptic reaction from The Big Aristotle: "U betta respnd, if * scared get a dog."

Flavio's team criticism leads to a fit of Piquet

For our part, we prefer feuds that extend over 140 characters.

Take this spicy spat between the always understated Flavio Briatore and his Renault Formula One driver Nelson Piquet Jr.

"I expected more from Piquet this season," Briatore said. "When a driver lacks results, he opens the book of excuses: it's down to the weather, a spectator's sunglasses, a spin on the straight..."

That piqued The Pique, who responded: "He doesn't understand s*** about F1." Good point - or QPR, for that matter.