Setanta's smooth can't hide the truth

Angus Scott was in no doubt. "It's England and it matters," he bellowed from the Wembley centre-circle, following the sports anchor's golden rule that if you say something loudly enough, it must be true.

He was right, though. England's kick-about with the Czechs last night did matter - not to the players, obviously (did you watch the game?) or the fans, who were so disinterested they could barely boo the opposition's anthem.

But for Setanta, the Ugly Sister of UK sports broadcasting, this was it. The. Big. One. The chance to stick it to Sky and the BBC by proving they can handle England's pristine white shirts without accidentally washing them with some pink socks.

And, boy, did they want to put on a show. We had it all - the White Cliffs of Dover looming out of a churning Channel, Bobby Moore's glowering statue and, of course, Three Lions snarling at Johnny Foreigner, with his 'ball skills' and 'technique'. Setanta's enthusiasm was understandable. It has paid £150million for, among other things, a few England games over the next four years, a step up from the usual Premier League Blisters, Conference slug-fests and Scottish football.

In the event, they produced a performance which - in keeping with everything England - was full of effort, if lacking in class.

Scott was smooth enough, with less smarm than Gary Lineker and more cool than Richard Keys, although he did call Fabio Capello's starting line-up "experimentational". There was no such verbal mangling for the ever-reliable Jon Champion, who struck up a reasonable chemistry with co-commentator Chris ' Wahey' Waddle. As for the pundits, Terry Venables was barely coherent - I'm not sure he actually finished a sentence - and Steve McManaman was just dull. The triumph was the unashamedly furious Harry Redknapp. It is easy to tell when Redknapp is getting angry - he twitches and jolts like a man suffering several major strokes simultaneously. And last night he was jerking so fast he was a blur.

There was also an important lesson for Setanta. You can create all the fancy promos you like but it can't change the fact that England are rubbish. And surely that's the biggest turn-off of all.