Quotes of the year 2000

He is in good spirits.
Hospital spokesman on the condition of George Best

Even Mother Teresa would fail a medical the way Spurs conduct them.
John Hartson's agent explaining why Tottenham would not sign his man (or any dead nuns)

That was the worst 7-2 win I've ever seen.
Simon Greenberg (former Evening Standard Sports Editor, Spurs fan and ingrate after defeat of Southampton)

I guess life is quite mad. I think Monty Python got it spot on. Life is like a Monty Python sketch; men dressed up as women exploding all over the shop. I think that's quite true to life.
Aston Villa manager John Gregory

I've been fascinated by leather for a very long time and discovering the creations of Jean-Claude Jitrois was for me some kind of a revelation.
Emmanuel Petit

I admit I went too far when I called competitors in the London Marathon "tossers".
Frank Maloney in his column in the Daily Sport, before announcing that he would run in the 2001 London Marathon

I want to be able to go and watch Middlesbrough.
Former MI5 agent David Shayler, citing his reasons for applying for bail after being arrested for breaching The Official Secrets Act

He's using his strength and that is his strength, his strength.
Kevin Keegan

I blame myself. I think what we need is a bigger net.
Richard Wicks, of the Dangerous Sports' Club, when his girlfriend Stella Young was slung 70ft into the air at 50mph, landed in a safety net 150ft away, but then rebounded out, smashing into the ground and fracturing her pelvis

I'm sure she'll bounce back.
Richard Wicks, when Ms Young was released from hospital

There is no transfer activity at all. It's so quiet I've been phoning myself up and disguising my voice to create a bit of interest.
QPR manager Gerry Francis

It was a little further than I thought.
Paula 'the crawler' Burila, after recording the slowest ever time for an Olympic 50metres swim

The blind school could beat Ecuador on grass.
David Lloyd, before Britain's Davis Cup tie, which Ecuador won

How many have you won?
Steve Redgrave to an official trying to hurry him up to receive his fifth gold medal

Obviously it's not natural. I mean, who would swim all that way when you can take the ferry?
British triathlete Simon Lessing

The one that worries me most is the big girl from Taipei. She may not be great at the clean and jerk, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her snatch.
Matthew Norman in the Evening Standard - a joke that went around the world via the internet and was eventually, and erroneously, listed as a Colemanball

Who?
Zinedine Zidane when asked about the rumour that, when younger, he had been rejected by Gerry Francis at Tottenham

There are responsibilities that Mr Vialli believes should have been shared by someone else - someone who, unfortunately, was far too concerned about his image as 'Mr Nice Guy' to give the support which any manager would require.
Gianluca Vialli's personal assistant, Virginia d'Amore

British girls bring down a golden curtain.
Headline in The Times

I wouldn't take the England job because of what it does to your social life; a couple of bad results and you can't go out in the evening.
Sunderland manager Peter Reid

The players are all wearing rubbers tonight.
Terry Butcher on England's safe football in Finland

Simeone is bleeding. Good. I've never liked him.
Frank McLintock on BSkyB

It doesn't get any better than this.
Portsmouth News headline after Pompey had beaten Crewe