Football, however, was not their strong suit. They did the business of kicking the ball with the foot rather than the knee, but the rest was a shambles.
A more perfect team to soothe our footballing fears of inadequacy could not be imagined.
We know in our hearts that we are not big enough for the job, but Paraguay made us look like the late star of adult entertainment, John Holmes.
Making Michael Owen captain did not matter as much as it would have done against a real football team.
Quite how someone can be captain when all the rest of his team-mates ever see of him is his backside disappearing at 100mph is something only Sven can explain, if he could find a free moment from selling little bunches of World Cup heather in the West End.
The sorry truth is that this match was a joke, and the joke is on us.
When the Paraguayans had made the amusing gesture of allowing Owen a free header, they spent some time pulling rabbits out of hats on the sidelines, before getting a move on with two deflections and an own goal.
Paraguay will be different animals in a real football match.
England will walk away from this dreaming of Camelot.
