Martin Chilton's Football Notebook

Forget Glenn Hoddle,

Who says there is no entertainment at Stamford Bridge? Chelsea are hosting a festival of hurling and shinty on 19 May. And no, it's not the chairman of the beard hurling abuse at journalists, it's traditional Irish and Scottish sports.

Notebook was premature about the demise of the Spurs Media Monitor Line, the service to help "confused fans". But judge for yourselves whether it's worth eight pence a minute. The bulletin last Wednesday said there was "no new speculation" about the club in the papers. Wasn't that the day of the story about the mystery £18,700 in cash found in a draw at White Hart Lane, prompting George Graham to issue a statement alleging a smear campaign? Oh, that speculation.

Let's hope for David Beckham's sake the facilities in Albania have improved since Gary Lineker went there as a player. When he asked where the toilet was he was told it was in fact the big hole in the floor in the middle of the shower.
Meanwhile, if England are struggling to win over the Albanian people, they can always get coach Peter Taylor to do his Norman Wisdom impression. Comedian Wisdom is an icon in Albania where they repeatedly show his film Trouble in Store, which they say portrays an exploited worker fighting capitalism. Wisdom is very popular in Sweden, too, although Notebook doesn't know yet if Sven-Goran Eriksson has seen his coach rolling round on the floor clutching a flat cap and shouting: "Mr Grimsdale, Mr Grimsdale."

Chelsea were the butt of InterToto jokes this week after newspapers claimed they had been forced to enter to rescue the chance of playing in Europe next season. Not true, said Chelsea, they'd applied ages ago. Notebook knows it's a shock but football clubs do tell the truth sometimes. The Football Association confirmed that managing director Colin Hutchinson wrote to them on 26 January saying Chelsea would like to be considered as a possible third round entrant in July. West Ham have also applied along with Aston Villa, Coventry, Leicester, Everton, Newcastle and, surprisingly, Leeds.

We know he's called Psycho, but it seems Stuart Pearce is just as scary off the pitch, even when he's just having a pint and watching one of his favourite bands play. It took Warren Wilson, guitarist of Spear of Destiny, all of his courage to approach Pearce at the Forum in Kentish Town last Friday to ask for his autograph. Happily, Pearce signed his name in ink and not blood.

Kevin Keegan has lost none of his sharp wit. When quizzed by racing journalists about new England coach Eriksson at Doncaster last week, he said: "The first time we spoke took about four crossed phonecalls. We were worried about a hoax. He phoned me and I wasn't sure it was him. Then I phoned him and he wasn't sure it was me. I didn't know he'd got the job. I was phoning round people trying to find out who it was. But what I didn't know was that my phone told me all along who it was - it said Ericsson."
Kind people that they are, the racing hacks all guffawed. Oh, and while England won on Saturday, Keegan's horse Parkside Pursuit was 19th in the 5.15 at Doncaster.