Kirwan's smashed-up Italians on final drive

Ian Chadband|Evening Standard|In Brisbane

14 April 2012

The Welsh never could cope with John Kirwan in his role as All Black magician. Now they can only hope that after being reinvented as a gesticulating Italian comedian, he won't get the last laugh over them again in Canberra tomorrow.

It was back in 1987 that the man who some Kiwis will still tell you was the finest winger ever to don the black - forget Lomu - skimmed over for two tries in Brisbane to dump Wales out of the semifinals of the inaugural World Cup.

It was a hammering which prompted a Welsh official to trumpet: "Ah well, we'll just go back to beating England every year in the Five Nations". Oh dear.

Now, 16 years on, having been transformed from cool, on-field assassin to 'mama mia'-screeching coach, Kirwan has the chance to orchestrate another of Welsh rugby's blue days - even if, after so many years of humiliations, being knocked over by Italy might barely raise an eyebrow in the valleys.

This is where it gets serious, though. The winners in Canberra seem certain to face England in the quarter-finals here in Brisbane. Yet, while neither side have been pulling up trees - it's difficult to know whether Wales' stumble past Tonga was any more dreadful than Italy's struggle past Canada - Wales are surely favourites because the Azzurri have been absurdly handicapped by an insanely demanding schedule.

More magic, then, is needed from Kirwan, who may already be the man of the tournament. While other coaches have been taking themselves awfully seriously, the 38-year-old has entertained us all with his one-liners, even just about managing to see the funny side of the fact that his side have had to cram all their four games into just 14 days, compared with Wales' 21.

"Just before we left, the Pope gave us 500 gallons of holy water. We'll be doing our recovery session in it tomorrow," Kirwan shrugged ruefully after Tuesday's game against Canada, counting up all the players who would need patching up.

Without time for a proper training session, having lost lock Marco Bortolami with a dislocated shoulder and winger Mirco Bergamasco (fractured cheekbone) and desperately trying to nurse others back to fitness, it still wasn't entirely clear today who Kirwan would be able to field, although their totem, Alessandro Troncon, will be okay.

Yet, having instilled in his 18 months at the helm what he calls an "Italian style and Italian sprit of rugby", he believes passion could yet pull his side through. "I want them to play as Italians drive," he explained earlier in the tournament. Crazily but within the laws, presumably.

It helps that he's reinvented himself, too. "Yes, I'm as bad as they are now. I'm a nightmare. Once they gave me an Italian passport that was it - I started throwing my hands in the air and drinking red wine," joked Kirwan, who has truly embraced the country, having played club rugby there, married an Italian and bought a house in Treviso. He even speaks like a native now.

The man who introduced himself to Italian rugby by beating seven of their players, sprinting 80 yards and scoring the first World Cup try in a canter for the All Blacks in 1987 now paints the prospect of an Italian side reaching the quarter-finals for the first time as something special.

"It really will be the greatest thing for world rugby, 60 million people all starting to turn on their televisions," he said. "But if we play well enough and we don't win because we are fatigued, it will be an incredible injustice."

The Italians will doubtless get the sympathy vote here, but it is up to the Welsh to show that their rivals don't have a monopoly on passion. This week, Tonga coach Jim Love was dismissive of their pack, comparing their passivity unfavourably with the aggression they'd experienced at the hands of the Italians.

Wales coach Steve Hansen did not disagree. He's dropped 10 of the team who faced Tonga. Gone is the ineffective front-row, leaving recalled Neath prop Adam Jones to growl: "Some of the Tongan comments have been heard by the boys and we're going out to prove them wrong."

That's a bit more like it. So far, the Welsh have only appeared to be the source of gentle teasing here, what with their yoga and their self-catering. Now it is time for them to translate a bit of fighting talk into real Welsh fire.

One that even 500 gallons of holy water might not be able to douse.

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