How pay-per-view caught a new fan

This was an irresistible game for the neutral fan. Both Newcastle and Fulham are touched with the Corinthian spirit, which is best manifested in their preference for the timeless footballing colours of black and white.

There is the whiff of the meat pie here, a sense of people not pushing in at the turnstiles. On a Monday night which offered little else in the way of entertainment, here was a game to watch which offered the genuine prospect of some cockle-warming.

The only problem was that the match was pay-per-view. I've never gone down this path before not for reasons of meanness, simply of incomprehension: how do you pay to watch a match when it is taking place in your own front room? As it transpired, I needn't have worried. Seven phone calls, five aspirin, three cans of lager, and a lot of help from my wife, meant that I was in position well before kick-off, and only £5.99 the lighter.

Of course, there were other worries. I felt that having to go through this rigmarole would mean that I was getting Nationwide treatment for a Premiership event. The sight of the avuncular Bob Wilson reassured me, a familiar face in trying circumstances. He introduced Bobby Robson, Newcastle's manager and everyone's favourite surrogate dad, as "an inspirational pensioner". I hope he therefore gets pay-per-view free.

As ever, Bobby came up with the quote of the evening. "In Cort," he assured us, "we have an improving player." Various other Premiership managers could say the same, but the spelling would be slightly different.

In general, the coverage held its own with the channels you don't need to go the extra financial yard for. Alan Parry never fluffed his lines, and it was nice to welcome back the tricky footwork of Brian Marwood in another context. The adverts in the commercial breaks were as disorientating as ever, and it was rather heartening to be offered the chance to win the chance to drive a racing car at half-time. Too much football makes Johnny a dull boy.