Heartfelt tribute to Hollioake

"I'm going to enjoy the service," said Adam. "Of course I'll be upset but that's no different to any other day. It will be good to see people there who I may not have seen in a long time, and who may tell me stories about Ben. I like it when people do that. I like to hear people talk about Ben.

"People shy away from it. You can see them wondering whether they should because I might get upset, but getting upset isn't important.

"That's nothing to be scared of. It doesn't mean I don't want to hear about him. I'll always want to hear stories about Ben.

"Everybody remembers him the same way; as happy, easy-going, funloving. He was a really comfortable, relaxing person to be around.

"Everybody thought he was the most laidback person they ever met. He had a great aura about him. It wasn't that he was a big mouth. He was just always the centre of attention without even trying. People felt special near him. He was the best person you could want to meet.

"He was best man at my wedding. He would have been godfather to my child.

"He was destined for greatness. Now I think that greatness will come after his life.

"My family will make things happen for him now. We are setting up in a charity in his name, and things like the Evening Standard scholarship are very welcome. So his name will live on for a long time. He hasn't finished yet."

Already so much has happened to the Hollioake family since they lost Ben. On 25 May, barely eight weeks after Ben's death, Adam's wife Sherryn gave birth to their first child, a daughter.

The huge high of their baby's safe arrival followed so closely after Ben was torn away from them that it is impossible to imagine the tornado of feelings the whole family must have experienced. Adam chooses not to discuss it.

Ben was, of course, to have been the child's godfather and could scarcely wait to be an uncle. He had joked with Adam and Sherryn that if the baby was a boy he was to be named Ben.

In the event, Adam and Sherryn called their daughter Bennaya, a compound of Ben and Janaya, the name of Ben's 22-year-old girlfriend who was with him at the time of the accident. Her head and chest injuries were so grave that initially it was feared she, too, would die. But she is now recovering well.

She loves Bennaya, and first saw her when the baby was only one day old. When Sherryn looked up Bennaya's name on the internet, she found it was Hebrew for 'built by God'. The chance discovery was a comfort to them. Adam, like all his family, believes in God.

"But the name was not meant as a gift to God," said Adam firmly. "It was a gift to Ben, and also Janaya."

Meantime, he was still in Australia with his family. In theory he was supposed to return to England to play for Surrey, although the county told him to take as much time as he needed. For more than two weeks after Bennaya's birth, he could not bring himself to leave. In England it was quietly speculated that he might never return.

Eventually he forced himself to go through with it on 9 June, and after a month apart was joyfully reunited with his family when they followed him over last Thursday.

"Leaving was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do," he said. "I reached the point where I knew that if I didn't come back then, I never would.

"Just because you've been through a tough time doesn't mean you can run away from things. I've never backed away from anything before and I'm not about to change now.

"Seeing Sherryn and Bennaya again was brilliant. Sherryn has been an amazing support to me.

"For our family Bennaya is just the best thing in the world. She's changed heaps since I saw her. She's so grown up. She looks so strong and healthy."

Quite naturally, however, he is finding life hard. He thinks of Ben often, sometimes on the field of play, thinking his brother should be alongside him. He declines to say whether he dreams of him.

"Has it been okay professionally? No time has been okay, really. It doesn't matter where I am. I'm never going to be okay. I don't like some of the cards I've been dealt, but they're the ones I have to play with.

"There's no other choice. I have to go out there and do my best. Some days I find it incredibly hard. But I find I have no fear of anything any more. The worst thing that can ever happen to me has already occurred. I've felt the worst pain I could ever feel. What could I be scared of now?"

Comfortingly, he has been able to stop asking himself why his brother was taken away. After much reflection he has found an answer to that most terrible of questions, although he does not wish to divulge it or say whether it is linked to his faith.

None of his family has felt the need to ask why the God they love took Ben away. Rather, having faith has helped them make sense of events.

"We don't believe he is dead," said Adam. "To us he was the most special person in the world. We have vowed to relive the good memories rather than feel sorry for ourselves. He left such an impact on us and so many other people too."

It is impossible not to notice a striking characteristic of the way Adam speaks about Ben - without a shadow of envy, or even goodnatured rivalry.

The reason becomes clear. "Ben was more than my brother," said Hollioake. "Sometimes he felt like my son. He lived with me while he was growing up. When he first came to play for Surrey at 16, he lived with me for four years. I looked after him. I made sure he ate and looked after himself.

"When he went out somewhere, I made sure he was okay. I watched over him. As long as he was in my company he was always safe.

"Parents will always say they want their child to be better than them. That was how I cared for him.

"I always knew he was much better than me and I always wanted people to acknowledge it. I sometimes got on his back because I wanted him to excel.

"Did he love me as generously? I don't know. To me that's not important.

"All I care about was that he knew how much I care for him. It is unconditional. There is nothing he could do that would alter how I care for him. No one cares for anyone more than I care for him. My care is infinite."