Goodfellas didn't quite measure up

England went into the match after being booed during a 5-1 win that followed a 4-1 away victory, so it was difficult to know what to expect from the team and Setanta's coverage.

What we got was bandwagon-jumping of the highest order. Commentators Jon Champion and Chris Waddle were wary of underestimating the home side, who, let's be honest, lost an element of credibility by taking to the field dressed as Christmas elves.

"You can see how technical they are," said Waddle, as the Belarusians completed a no-pressure square pass in their own half.

But then Gerrard scored. "A goal from 31.4 yards we are told by the fellas with the measuring tape," said Champion. It took them 11 minutes to announce the distance, presumably while they waited for the ball to travel up the other end so their 'fellas' could scamper on and use their tape while no one was watching. (These are hard times and there is a credit crunch on).

England are heroes. Gerrard has found his best form and we will win the World Cup. But back came Belarus to level with a fine goal and England are, apparently, doomed to fail.

"There's no tackling, for the last 20 minutes Belarus have played how they wanted all the way up to our box," said Waddle disdainfully.