Football Notebook

The last time Millwall were so successful, Des O'Connor had white skin.
Actually, the 72-year-old comic is a long-standing Lions fan and wrote a column in the official programme in the 1960s called: "From floodlight to footlight".
O'Connor, an East End boy, will be desperately hoping Dennis Wise and Company triumph in their first FA semi-final since 1937 - when his jokes were first aired.
O'Connor has his own playing career but tales of his triumphs for Northampton Town are a bit of Des O'Cobblers, although he did turn out for them in the United Counties League.
Northampton club historian Frank Grand recalled: "It was just after the war and the club were giving trials to just about any young lad who came along.

"Des played for the colts and the reserves but the reserves were in the United Counties League and the standard of play wasn't very high."
O'Connor was nicely self-deprecating about his own talents: "I played wing and was very fast . . . unfortunately, I often forgot to take the ball with me."

Palace 'hero' to QPR 'zero'

A first for Notebook this, but let's quote no less than Voltaire (the philosopher, not the Peruvian right-back), who said: "Exaggeration is the inseparable companion of greatness."
All this nonsense is spawned by an email from Mr Burrell, who pointed out a small flaw in last week's story about 1950s Crystal Palace player, Burt Brown, still playing in the Bristol & District Sunday League aged 70.
Notebook described Brown as "a former Palace hero". Over to Mr Burrell: "Usual media exaggeration . . . former Crystal Palace hero? A Selhurst favourite in the '50s? He only played three games (no goals) for Palace!!!"
A fair cop, Mr Burrell, you're absolutely right. At least we did not describe Burt as a Queens Park Rangers hero, where he went after Palace. He joined them in July 1959 - and failed to make a single appearance.

Becks gift ahead of its time

Among all the hoohaa about the Archbishop of Canterbury's criticism of Footballers' Wives came a revealing comment from Eileen Gallagher, the owner of Shed Productions, who make the ITV show: "When we were doing our research we found a world that was shallow and money-obsessed." Timely news, then, that David Beckham and Posh are reported to have bought five-year-old son Brooklyn a "£5,000 watch".
And Notebook bets you a Boys Bleyblade Interchangeable LCD watch (Argos, £5.99) that, like most five-year-olds, Brooklyn can't even tell the time.

Owls settle for one old-stager

Sheffield Wednesday fans kicked up a storm last week, it was reported, and forced the cancellation of a show in the club's Hillsborough ground by "the roly-poly foul-mouthed 73-year-old comic Bernard Manning", because they were "concerned it would ruin the club's anti-racism stance".
Now, where else could the Owls find a high-profile roly-poly, salty-tongued, septuagenarian to show off in public?

It's looney Rooney

BOOK CLUB 22: The Rooney and McCloughlin families
A typical Scouse Saturday night, possibly, but the story of the week has to be the drunken, brawling 18th birthday party for Wayne Rooney. Perhaps before round two at the wedding reception, the clans can get together to read Sharon Bernstein's American self-help best-seller: A Family That Fights.