Football Notebook

The Japanese and Koreans are very touchy about their rivalry and even bicker over which one is named first in official World Cup literature.
Things have reached a new low, however, in a PR battle over WCs. Some Koreans, flush with their success of building Western style toilets only in their 10 stadiums, have let it be known that lack of these "restrooms" may "bewilder" foreign fans in Japan.
In response to this, a chain of Japanese hotels have issued brochures explaining how to use their "squatting" toilets. Fierce traditionalists claim that the nonsitting toilet is more sanitary and let it be known that Korea will not have disinfected paper seat covers. Notebook calls for calm. Don't worry about English fans.
After six or seven pints of Oriental beer and a few dog sandwiches, English fans won't find using any bog-standard facilities a strain. Their only worry is England's chances going down the pan.

PELE'S PIE IN THE SKY IDEAS

Pele, in his role as FIFA Football Committee member, proposed three World Cup initiatives: kick-ins to replace a throw-in and the scrapping of the defensive wall. Even Nicky Butt could score from that sort of free-kick.
Brazilian World Cup hero Pele also said an offending player has to leave the pitch for as long as his injured opponent is being treated.
In that case, England should have taken Darren Anderton.

BARESI NOT A LADIES' MAN

This story could divide old male chauvinist pigs from any properly reinvigorated new men (hang on, I'll just put down the iron and pack away the hoover before I carry on).
Where was I? Ah yes. It seems that when Fulham originally announced that Italian Franco Baresi would be joining the club as director of football, his duties were to include signing players, coaching and looking after the Fulham ladies' team.
When news filtered back to Milan about this part of Baresi's job, the former World Cup defender came in for lots of macho mickey-taking.
Result? The ex-AC Milan star has told Fulham he will not be looking after their women's team. Hasn't he seen Bend It Like Beckham?

ALAN IS ON THE WHINE

Alan Ball - you know, World Cup winner 1966 and all that zzzzzzzzzz - has hit out at Blackpool, where he started as a player, saying: "There are no pictures or plaques of me at Blackpool, something that sticks in my throat."
Can't they celebrate his season as manager in 1980-81 and the nine glorious victories. Who shouted "relegated"?

IT'S F****** GREAT, ROY

Mick McCarthy might permit himself a smile if he reads the interview with mild-mannered Roy Keane in Match magazine. The Manchester United star (before his f******* w***** and c**p manager outburst) said: "The World Cup is great for the country, great for the economy, for people's humour, their moods."

GERMANS CAN'T SCORE

More bad news for the Germans. One thousand German women were asked which of Rudi Voller's squad they would most like to sleep with. Twenty five per cent said they would not want a relationship with a football player under any circumstances.
Top of the pack for the less discerning majority was ageing striker Oliver Bierhoff.