Duffer's guide to rugby

In rugby, everyone's a Buddhist monk. Who knows why a decision goes one way or the other?

It's a Zen thing, grasshopper, a matter of fate. All one can do is accept the inevitable and go with the flow.

A simple grasp of the basics, therefore, will suffice. So here's what you need to know.

THE BALL

The single most important law in rugby is this: the ball cannot be thrown forwards.

And here's another Zen paradox: you can only go forwards, by passing backwards.

Obviously, this would be impossible if defenders simply stood between the chap who had the ball, and the chap to whom he was throwing, blocking the way.

So that's illegal. Come to think of it, that might vaguely be the offside law.

THE VIOLENCE

But since I can't be sure, I'd better concentrate on what really matters: the violence. Let's not be prissy about this.

Rugby is a sport in which physical contact, aggression and sheer intimidation, are central to the whole experience.

Like so many other forms of public school PE, it was devised as a way of toughening up posh young whippersnappers who would then spend their lives dying in the service of the British Empire. And that ethic persists to this day.

FRONTING UP

In rugby, a player is expected to 'front up'. That means facing your opponents, taking anything they throw at you and never backing down. Putting your body on the line. England players talk of the bond of trust they have with their team-mates, and their respect for opponents. They dish out punishment and they take it without complaint.

FIST FIGHTS

Incidents that would cause an outcry on a football pitch are commonplace, notably fist fights. And goodness only knows what skulduggery goes on in the steamy, impenetrable depths of the scrum.

The counterpoint to this harshness, of course, is athleticism and grace. There are few sights in all sport more thrilling than the dazzling interplay of passes and the dashing bursts of running that comprise a great try. Rugby asks its players to perform acts of genius under intense physical pressure.

At its best, it has an elemental intensity football simply cannot match.

THE PHILOSOPHY

Perhaps that is why its players are so admirable. England didn't just win, they won with dignity and even humility.

At a time when masculine virtues are derided as passé and irrelevant, they were a reminder that there is still a place in the world for real men - and that real women love them for it.

But enough philosophising. That's not what the Six Nations is about. This is a sport to be savoured for 80 minutes, then to be discussed over a pint (or several) after the match. It's the perfect embodiment of conflict and fellowship alike.

So get out your white England shirts, your giant Welsh leeks, your Scottish saltires and your Irish four-leaved clovers.

The kick-off is just five days away. And as they say before those other big fights: let's get ready to r-rrrumble!