Bravery runs through Radcliffe's veins

Ian Chadband|Evening Standard|In New York

13 April 2012

There was just a moment as Paula Radcliffe fielded her umpteenth question about her Athenian abyss when you could have sworn that her eyes were moistening and that she was already enduring the worst trial of her comeback week here in New York.

Never mind the running part. The suspicion is that when the gun goes to fire her and 35,000 others across the Verrazano Bridge into the 35th gruelling edition of the New York City marathon, it may well feel like a blessed release after the ordeal of having to relive under interrogation the traumatic events of another Sunday 77 days earlier.

Radcliffe admits she hasn't completely got over her Olympic torment. It was obvious as she sat here in the Tavern on the Green, offering the throwaway line "I want to feel like me again" and then described with disturbing clarity how terrifying it had been to feel like nothing on earth when her marathon dream perished on the Athens roads.

Her voice seemed almost to choke on the recollection. "It just did not feel like me, like anything I'd ever experienced," she said. "Perhaps because I'd never been that depleted before. It wasn't like a pain from an injury or a pain from running hard, like a good pain. It was a numbness and I just couldn't move, just couldn't pick anything up.

"It felt like I was running uphill when I was running downhill. At the time, I was scared. I didn't understand what had happened. Normally, you're not spaced out like this. It's really hard to describe it . . . you still feel alive but your brain isn't working fully."

For a second, as she wrestled with trying to explain the inexplicable, you could still picture the tearful, broken soul of Athens. Then, she snapped out of what appeared a chilling daydream and smiled again. It was a relief to be persuaded that the Paula of old seemed to be back among us.

It was grand to see her looking so relaxed. Words like exorcism and redemption were thrown ominously at her but she preferred to see this race only as an exercise in "enjoyment". Because, even if she didn't think there could ever quite be "a remedy for Athens", she wasn't going to allow it to ruin the rest of her life.

So what if others reckoned that she was taking on too much too soon after Athens, with just seven weeks of proper preparation for the race in Arizona? "I've come to a point now where I'm going to get on with what's right for me, enjoy it and not worry too much about what everyone else is thinking," she shrugged in response.

Now she had clear evidence that her trauma in Athens was in large part caused by an adverse reaction to medication she was taking to treat an injury, she could rationalise the failures. New York is a must-finish race for her but it isn't necessarily a must-win. She sees a good run as just her stepping stone to "lots of victories in the future".

Anyway, who can blame her for playing down the significance of the race when even some of her most

ardent admirers like Liz McColgan, the last British winner here in 1991, are openly suggesting that Radcliffe could be psychologically derailed by another calamity here?

Yet for Radcliffe, being written off is an occupational hazard she has consistently hurdled. Remember when she was being pitied after just missing out yet again on a 10,000m medal at the Sydney Olympics? Within two months, she was being crowned world half-marathon champion.

Never knowing when she is beaten has been the essence of her greatness as an athlete. Her critics say she's got it wrong, rushing back into an Olympic-standard field over the most unforgiving of all the big city marathon courses with its undulating twists through the five boroughs. Yet her opponents don't see foolhardiness, only familiar bravery.

"It sums up Paula," said Benita Johnson, the London-based Australian world cross country champion who will be making her marathon debut here. "Making her comeback in a fantastic field and putting everything on the line, putting pressure on herself. She's always done that. She's a brave runner, a brave woman."

It is about time some people remembered this. Radcliffe is uncomplaining about the barbs but really does deserve better than to be the butt of jokes from cheap comedians and to be labelled lazily again as a nearly-woman by the pundits who conveniently ignore her annexation of six world golds, six other major championship titles and the most incredible current world record in the book.

"I don't have anything to prove to myself," she insisted. Actually, this champion has nothing to prove to us either. Yet if Radcliffe does learn to feel like her old self again for a couple of unmissable hours here between Staten Island and Central Park, it really would be wondrous proof that you don't have to own an Olympic gold to possess an Olympian spirit.

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