Andy and his tricks mesmerize me

Andy does not deal with anything so simple as a blackboard. The studio he inhabits looks like something created by the people who used to design the marvellous gimmicks in Doctor Who.

He has a vertical screen on which he can make arrows and circles appear as if by magic. He also has a horizontal screen which by some sleight of hand can display little pictures of footballers, like cigarette cards for a new generation.

There are two factors which make this compulsive viewing. The first of these is that Gray has an enthusiasm for football which is unusual in a grown man.

He displays none of the partisan tendencies so common in his peer group: Andy is fascinated by every twitch of every footballer and if there is a stray divot around then that is heaven.

When Andy is positioned in front of his array of buttons, there is no goal that he cannot explain, no defensive lapse that escapes his technological reach. This is a man playing at being God after the event and he does it with great conviction.

Secondly, and fortunately for those of us who retain the status of mere mortals, Andy has a tendency to be a little cack-handed with the buttons and knobs, something which is easily excused by the excess of his enthusiasm. Last night, he managed to fill the Newcastle midfield with images of the same player.

Realising his mistake, he laughed like a man who has just scored an own goal with his backside. This man may not be one of the great comedians but, at his impassioned best, he reminds me irresistibly of Tommy Cooper battling with a magic trick which just won't come out right.