The mad world of 'Mr Cooper'

11 April 2012

Cooper writes to the Miniaturists' Trade Association (MinTA) claiming to be a dolls' house maker who crafts models out of paper and chicken bone, which is then assembled by children paid 40p an hour.

MinTA co-ordinator Jeremy Collins sends him a membership form but warns: "I have to advise you that I do not think the committee would countenance approving membership for an organisation employing child labour."

Lambeth Palace's public affairs office declines to help but offers to put him in touch with his local church to help with his spiritual needs.

Cooper writes to the National Association of Aerial Photographic Libraries, offering them a free copy of his collection of 4,500 photographs of television aerials. They point out they represent people who take photographs of the ground taken from the air.

It replies that the method is "rather interesting". While they cannot recommend or endorse any one technique, they do say Mr Cooper is free to name his own "Cooper's Batter".

Next's customer service manager Dawn Doory points out that the vouchers have an expiry date and it might be better to credit £10,000 to a Next Store Card.

Mr Cooper replies: "Ten thousand pounds?! Ten THOUSAND pounds?! TEN thousand pounds?! Ten thousand POUNDS?! Do you think I'm made of money?!!! I wrote to you asking how I would purchase £10 of vouchers - ten pounds not ten thousand pounds. I can only assume that you have made a typing error. I do forgive you."

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