Some Fulford family sayings...

ON FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

"F*** off Mummy'' - Arthur (eldest son and heir) ''Where's Matilda and Edmund now? Do I care?'' - Francis ''Don't kill him, it's so boring.'' Francis to the children.

ON THE CAMERAS

''Please don't watch me put ash in the potatoes.'' - Kishanda

ON THE ESTATE

''One of the most important things in running a place like this ... is marrying the right girl.'' - Francis

ON WEALTH

''Darling, why aren't we rich? That really annoys me.'' - Kishanda ''I unfortunately owe quite a few bastards a lot of money.'' - Francis

ON HOMOSEXUALITY

''I've got nothing against queers, but that doesn't mean to say you want them in your family.'' - Francis

ON FOREIGNERS/OTHER PEOPLE

''There were some Germans in the pizza bar ... but there was some good news too ... one of them was disabled.'' - Arthur ''Germans are fat and so are Americans.'' - Francis ''Five thousand dead Frenchmen. A satisfactory result all round.'' - Francis on an ancestor's victories in battle.

ON FAMILY PORTRAITS

"This is the great hall. There's somebody there who looks like a negro, and somebody else who looks like an Italian.'' - Francis "The people who are part of English Heritage and the like are complete wankers." - Francis

ON DISTANT RELATIVES AS A SOURCE OF WEALTH

"Kishanda thought he had Aids ... that's an extra reason to be excited because he'll die soon ... maybe if we're nice to him he'll remember us in his will.'' - Francis