Quiz show kings

You're having a party. Your friends are Z-list and you want a celebrity presence - and it has to be a quiz show host. Who do you go for?

A-list: John Humphrys. The decision to cast the grand inquisitor of Today as Magnus Magnusson's replacement was inspired, though it's hard not to think it'd be more fun if Humphrys forgot where he was and lunged at some retired colonel struggling to remember a detail about subcontinental railways. Anyway, Britain has a happy knack for producing splendidly querulous interviewers, so if Humphrys has his teeth buried beyond retrieval in the throat of some minister, call...

B-list: Jeremy Paxman. Who, similarly, is much more entertaining tearing the flesh from the bones of trembling politicians than he is patronising dopey students on University Challenge. However, he does possess the single most important requirement of any quiz host, which is to give the impression he knew the answers without having to look them up - unlike...

C-list: Anne Robinson. Who has become bizarrely famous by asking thick people stupid questions and responding with unfunny putdowns. Still, at least her contestants on The Weakest Link get the dose of contempt they richly deserve, which is never going to happen to those facing...

D-list: Chris Tarrant. Whose smugness is doubtless a consequence of the fact that even the cleverest person is never going to make more money out of Millionaire than him. Which means he's got rather more reason to be happy with his lot in life than...

E-list: Henry Kelly. Who, every time he introduced the round of Going For Gold that began with him asking the question 'What am I?', provoked millions of responses we couldn't possibly print.