Now I've reached the projected age, I think my image is in need of a make-over: the smiley face, round ears and eyes and, crucially, two tufts of hair protruding wildly from above the ears, like Bobby Charlton going for a header on a windy day, looks nothing like me. The smile is more of a grimace these days, and the bald patch - which I must have been anticipating in some Oedipal affiliation to my dad - thankfully has yet to materialise.