London living for free

11 April 2012

Aim: to access a little inner and outer pampering. In the interest of fitness and thinness, I begin the week with an early swim at London's only free all-year swimming pool: Hampstead Heath's bathing ponds. Needless to say, they're outdoor, unheated and freezing. To enhance the vaguely surreal experience, some nutter is out doing t'ai chi in his boxer shorts. Still, it's an exhilarating start to the day.

Determined that my cash-free lifestyle should not interfere with my look, I head to fashion Mecca Harvey Nichols. I've booked myself in for a free session trying on party frocks with Rebecca, the store's head personal shopper. Ensconced in her luxe changing room, she advises me on the cuts and fabrics that suit my shape - free tips which could well last me a lifetime. It takes discipline to depart without buying anything, but after a blissful couple of hours I leave feeling a million dollars, despite having spent nothing at all.

I finish the day with some spiritual therapy. The West London Buddhist Centre runs free introductory meditation classes. The aim of the lesson, which is given by the supremely serene Padhana, is to help us achieve 'the mindfulness of breathing' - a state where you forget everything except the sensation of inhaling and exhaling. I am mostly mindful of freezing (there doesn't appear to be any heating in the room), but Padhana's instructions and attitude are inspiring. I float home feeling very Zen-like.

Verdict: 6/10. Luxury-lite TLC has its moments

Hampstead Heath's single-sex bathing ponds are open all year. Call 020 7485 4491 for opening times.

Harvey Nichols (www.harveynichols.co.uk).

West London Buddhist Centre (www.wlbc.freeserve.co.uk)

Tuesday

Aim: wisdom - I want to accumulate as much free knowledge as possible. I begin my pursuit in prime museum destination, Knightsbridge. The Science Museum is very macho - all machines and demos. The V&A, with its staggering collection of decorative arts, is a real eye-opener. The Natural History Museum deals primarily with anything that creeps, crawls, or eats its own offspring if sufficiently provoked. On my rounds, I learn about cybernetics, gilded medieval caskets and Chinese mitten crabs. I also do a lot of interacting. Interactivity is as essential to the successful modern museum as European school parties. These days, punters want to do as well as look. The V&A's stunning new British Galleries do not disappoint, with an interactive room - or 'discovery area' - for every century since 1500. I have a ball in the 18th century and try on a hoopla petticoat, assemble a period chair and e-mail my friends personalised coats-of-arms.

Next, I swing by the House of Commons in an attempt to better understand our political system. I've heard that the general public can watch debates for free in the Strangers' Gallery, but I'm not convinced I'm in the right place. I can see a smattering of MPs, some white wigs, but there's no debating going on as far as I can tell. Instead, everyone is playing a verbal version of musical chairs. The first person to stand up and interrupt towards the end of a speech gets to talk next. The rules include using a special Olde English dialect and phrases like 'the honourable laydee', 'I drawe some comforte from the facte' and 'I was most honoured laste weekende'

There are still a few hours left for additional information acquisition. A free lecture at the RSA sounds like a good bet. I arrive to discover that I am the youngest person there by about half a century. This, I figure, must equal a high wisdom quotient. The lecture - on urban design, and how it must change to help save the planet ? is gripping. The engineering element of the lecture is a bit over my head, but I am blown away by the ecological statistics. I go home feeling sad but scholarly, and vow to start recycling.

Verdict: 9/10. The House of Commons aside, London's free knowledge resources are impressive

Science Museum - (www.sciencemuseum.org.uk). Victoria & Albert Museum (www.vam.ac.uk).

Natural History Museum (www.nhm.ac.uk).

Check www.parliament.uk for House of Commons access times.

The RSA hosts free lectures every week during the winter, visit www.rsa.org.uk

Wednesday

Aim: to manage without my Tube pass and food budget for a day. How do you get to Oxford Street for free? Apart from walking, I figure the only way to get around London without the aid of car, Tube, cab or bus is to hitch. Now, lone hitchhiking is not a smart idea, so I convince a friend to come along for the ride. We get a lift in two minutes. Vladimir, an enchanting, fifty-something Yugoslavian designer, drops us at Tottenham Court Road. He even gives us an apple each, which deals with breakfast.

I have chosen Oxford Street because it's crammed with sampling potential - shopowners who often give away freebies in the hope that you will pay for more. I hit the free e-mail facilities at Topshop and eavesdrop on fellow shoppers for rumours of good sampling opportunities. My luck's in. Word spreads of a patisserie give-away. I grab ten cup cakes and four petits fours. By the end of the day, I have also managed to wangle two free massages at Selfridges' Aveda counter, and downed a quarter of a bottle of Irish Cream by repeat-visiting a counter at Mark & Spencer. Which sets me up nicely for my two-hour walk home.

Verdict: 2/10. A blagger's life is dull. Pursuing freebies is a full-time occupation

Thursday

Aim: to be entertained. First off, I go to an auction of first-edition Thomas Hardy books at Sotheby's with a friend who is an antiques freak. I'm initially dubious about how much fun this will be, but it's fascinating. Chins wobble, eyebrows are raised strategically and books are sold for tens of thousands of pounds. A world record is broken for the most money ever spent on a Hardy first edition (£32,450). Eventually, after I almost accidentally buy a letter for £12,000 by twitching my left nostril, I grab my friend and leave. We head off to watch a free screening of Angels and Insects at Tate Britain.

After the film, I speed over to the Virgin Megastore on Oxford Street for what promises to be the finest hour of my free week so far - a Westlife gig. By gig, I mean a mini-showcase of three songs, but anyway, I take my place in the crowd of 500 frenzied 12-year-old girls. When the boys finally appear on stage, ear-splitting hell is unleashed. The crowd is pushed to increasingly desperate lengths to make physical contact with Bryan et al. I'm bemused until the boys sing power ballad 'Queen of My Heart' (a classic, apparently).

I tear myself away and head off to BBC Television Centre to be an audience member for The Frank Skinner Show. Here, I learn another valuable lesson for free living: there's not always enough free stuff to go around. A clipboard Nazi tells me Frank's studio is full and offers me a consolation ticket to Time Gentlemen Please. I politely decline.

Verdict: 8/10. There are free fun options everywhere. Think laterally and let London entertain you

Most of Sotheby's auctions are open to the public (check out www.sothebys.com). The same applies to Christie's (www.christies.com) and Bonhams (www.bonhams.com).

Tate Britain hosts regular free events, including screenings, discussions and lectures (www.tate.org.uk).

Virgin Megastores holds regular promotional 'gigs' (www.virginmega.co.uk).

For details on TV audience tickets, call 020 8576 1227 (BBC), 020 7240 2828 (ITV) or 020 7306 8333 (C4)

Friday

Aim: a day of romance. I am taking my boyfriend out on the ultimate cheap date and need to look as knock-out as possible. I pop into Covent Garden's Trevor Sorbie salon, where a lovely trainee called Ian gives me a perfect free cut and blow-dry. Next up is my favourite cosmetics counter - Shu Uemura in Fenwick on New Bond Street - where the counter assistant gives me killer doe eyes. Make-up sales assistants are London's hidden beauty gurus: as long as the store is relatively quiet and you seem like a convincing fan of the brand, they are often happy to give you tips and a makeover for nothing.

I bat my perfectly painted eyes at my boyfriend and persuade him to come wine-tasting at a Majestic wine warehouse. By noisily discussing 'bouquets' and 'noses', and eschewing the spitting-out bowl, we get through a good couple of glasses each. I then 'treat' Matt to a Natalie Imbruglia gig at my new favourite free concert venue, Virgin Megastore. For her new album, Nat has opted for a Corrs-meets-Anna Friel look, and sounds like a less whingy version of Alanis Morissette. She puts Matt in such a good mood that he temporarily forgets how much he hates the outdoors, and agrees to a walk over London's most romantic illuminated landmark, Tower Bridge.

Verdict: 6/10. London has romance in the most unexpected places - and you can look great finding them without spending a bean

You can get a free cut, colour or blow-dry from a Trevor Sorbie trainee stylist, but you must go to the salon (27 Floral Street, WC2) to book. Charles Worthington trainees also do free cuts (call 020 7631 1370)

Weekend

Aim: to mooch. After the week's frenetic freebie hunting, it's a relief to chill out. Three-year-olds make the best mooching partners, so I borrow Evie, a friend's toddler, for a visit to Hackney City Farm. Evie is quite the city sophisticate. She's never met a goat, sheep, pig or rabbit before, and is a bit unsure about all the funny smells. But by the end of the morning, the farm animals have won her over. She even feeds a duck.

I drop Evie home and set off on an urban ramble. Rambling in London is much like the country version, only with buildings and Tarmac instead of hills and fields. I set out on a six-miler along canal towpaths from Mile End to Little Venice. The walk is a revelation. I am in the heart of London, yet there is no traffic, no noise, no crowds. The reclaimed earthiness of the East End gives way to fairy-tale ostentation in Regent's Park and boho cool in Little Venice. Going home feels like returning from holiday.

As for Sunday I book myself in for free rehab and spend the whole day in bed.

Verdict: 10/10. London was made for mooching

Hackney City Farm, E2 (020 7729 6381).

For route suggestions for unusual London walks, log on to www.londonwalking.com

After a week's free living, how do I feel? Rounded, if nothing else. I found enlightenment. I lost half a stone (all that walking). I wore a £1,000 designer dress. I saw a world record broken. I made friends. I renounced politics. I learned what it is to love Westlife. It's like the song (almost) said: The best things in London are free.

And if that's not enough of a cash-free bonus for one week, you can always try...

More self-development

Lift your spirit at Neasden's Hindu Temple, Shree Swaminarayan Mandir.

Boost your karma: be a conservationist for a day. Most local councils run volunteer events to help preserve areas of natural beauty. Check local newspapers and websites.

Find inner peace at London's most spectacular church. St Paul's Cathedral has at least three services a day (www.stpauls.co.uk).

More culture

Cultivate niche interests at one of London's more obscure museums. Try the William Morris Gallery, Walthamstow; the Bethnal Green Museum of Childhood; the Guildhall Clock Museum; Covent Garden's Theatre Museum.

Learn from an intellectual. Most of the big museums and art galleries host regular free lectures, discussions, even art classes for the general public. Try the Tate, the V&A, the Science Museum and Somerset House.

Get into the classics. The Royal Festival Hall and the Royal College of Music have regular free classical music recitals.

More fun

Join the regular American ex-pat summertime Sunday softball games in Hyde Park, opposite Knightsbridge barracks.

Get in touch with your inner child. Watch the skateboarders at the PlayStation park in Acklam Road, W10. Check up on the flamingos in Golders Hill Park. Visit Coram's Fields near Russell Square, but don't go alone ? grown-ups are only welcome if accompanied by a child.

More romance

Frolic among the 55 water jets in the fountain square at Somerset House.

Visit Columbia Road flower market together.

More mooching

Take in a market off the tourist track: Southall for saris, Walthamstow for flea-market finds, and Hackney Wick's massive Sunday car boot sale for everything else.

Try a themed walk. Plenty of councils run them in local parks - Hampstead Heath has a bat walk (call 020 7482 7073 for details).

Check out London's latest landmarks. The Montevetro riverside apartment block in Battersea, Mile End Park Bridge and the Peabody Housing Trust on Westminster Bridge Road are modern architectural classics.

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London living for free

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