Jon 'the plank'

The Big Brother house was never likely to provide the most appreciative audience for a great philosopher.

Which is why the thoughts of contestant Jon Tickle have not been as well received as he probably hoped.

The meanderings of the physics graduate on such diverse social issues as the value of cats and the difficulty of choosing a girlfriend have baffled housemates

. . . whose tactful response has been to nickname him Jon the Plank.

Jon, 29, a data strategy manager, has ambitions to retire at 45 and cruise the Med, something his companions might be wishing he could do now.

Here is a selection from the musings of Jon the Plank:

'Pretty much I wouldn't mind a girlfriend so that if I get p***ed and forget to feed the cat, she can feed the cat.'

'You've only got one prize to pick and you know there are, say, 30 prizes on the conveyor belt. They are coming through one at a time and what makes you press the button to stop the conveyor belt and say, "I want that prize?"

'I think the mathematical way of doing it is to look at the first ten items - the first third. Then, the first thing you see out of the next two-thirds that is better than anything you have seen before, get that. Because if the first ten items are spread evenly on the good or bad scale, then you will get a couple of things in the 90 per cent area.

'It's unlikely you are going to get the 100 per cent best item in your first third of the sample. So you choose the best thing in the next two-thirds which is better than you have seen before. You're going to get something pretty good.'

'I hope this doesn't teach me that there's some aspect of my character that people don't like.'

'She is a barmaid in Amsterdam. Every year I go to this bar and she is always there. I call her Lucy but I don't know her name. I don't want to know it either because I think she's lovely. I have never found out about her because I don't want to. I want to keep her as this fantasy figure.'