Grime beats gleam

Whatever you want to call it, London's grime scene has blossomed of late. It's taken the likes of Dizzee Rascal, Wiley and Shystie to lead the stripped-bare MC-led street sound out of the playground but it's been worth the wait. There isn't another form of British dance music that's currently chewing up and spitting out a more taxing and interesting earful than this.

Smoove Live rocks the grime and UK hip hop cradle on Friday. Overseen by Radio 1Xtra's largerthan-life Ras Kwame, the crowd is in for a mucky assault as household hip hop names Rodney P, Estelle (whose single 1980 has just been added to Radio 1's A-list and is about to blow up) and Terra Firma's Klashnekoff are joined by a handful of the new breed, Kano and Sade Ama, Duurty Doogz and Crazy Titch. But the real treat may well be in the other three rooms as unknown MCs take centre stage to road test new rhymes. Bring it on.

There's no doubting where every breaks head in the city will be come 1pm Saturday afternoon. TCR, one of Britain's founding breakbeat labels, is holding its TCR Barbecue and has invited a few close friends including Rennie Pilgrem, BLIM, Ellis Dee, Chris Carter and Breakneck to spin whatever takes their fancy in-between burgers.

TCR's recent releases have hit the twisted-funk acid-squelch jackpot so don't expect straight-up looped breaks, either. Meanwhile, picking up the pace that evening, HUM makes a welcome return in a new home (Canvas) after a few months' holiday. Residents Rennie, Meat Katie, Simple Records mantowatch Will Saul and guests Tayo and Elite Force will be lowering the basslines and washing out the beats. Best of all, neither party is charging a penny, which means there's more in the kitty for that extra Mojito.

It's rare to find a clubnight in London that's not only lasted the distance but never fails to put on a decent spread.

Off-Centre is one of these little gems, having thrown together a pick'n'mix paradise of jazz funk, broken beats, hip hop, glitter house and drum'n'bass for exactly seven years this weekend. Patrick Forge and Rainer Truby, Fabio, the sizzling Cherry Pie crew and recently crowned UK DMC (scratching) champion Blakey are the impressive line-up. Residents Ross Clarke and Neil Boorman deserve a medal for conjuring up this selection. Although after holding fort in the Mother Bar all night, they'd probably prefer a pint.

If queuing for the loo in a murky club once again seems as appealing as a dinner date with Les Dennis, then look no further than the Geisha Palace. A refuge for clubbed-out casualties, this evening of refined hedonism and serene surroundings should heal the body and mind. Hosted by the Observer Magazine's holistic guru the Barefoot Doctor, it features Japanese dancers, geisha tea hostesses and music from Outcaste's Martin Morales and is the perfect remedy to the hectic whirl of dancing for six hours straight, without a break. The Doctor's even on hand for personal consultations. Who said clubbing was bad for you?

Sat, TCR Barbecue, The Lockside Lounge, West Yard, Camden Lock NW1, 1pm to 10pm, free. Tel: 020 7284 0007. Tube: Camden Town

Sat, HUM, Canvas, York Way N1, 10pm to 6am, entry via free guestlist only. Tel: 020 7833 8301. www.leylinepromotions.com/hum Tube: King's Cross

Sat, Off-Centre, 333, 333 Old Street EC1, 10pm to 5am, £5 before 11pm, £10 after. Tel: 020 7739 5949. Tube: Old Street