Get hit by football fever...

You might normally avoid Match of the Day like the plague and switch off when the conversation in the pub turns to the offside rule, but sooner or later you'll catch the Euro 2004 bug. We list the top ten ways you know you've been hit by footy fever...

1: It's not enough to have the shirt, hat, flag and scarf. You want the mascot, adult bedding and tattoo.

2: Suddenly a street party with all your neighbours seems like a grand idea.

3: You start learning the guitar just so you can play the chords to Three Lions

4: You seriously consider shelling out thousands of pounds a year to get a season ticket for your favourite team - and think it's a 'good investment'

5: Men: the game comes before sex.

6: Women: the game comes before shopping.

7: You not only fully understand the offside rule, your discussions on the merits of the four-four-two formation versus the Christmas tree formation would put Terry Venables to shame

8: You paint yourself the colours of the nation's flag.

9: You toot and 'Oi-oi' every motorist in sight who might just support your team.

10: You realise that football is what life was really created for when your team gets through to the next stage.