Spot the platform game connection. Except in platformers, when you've played well, you move up a level. Final Fantasy never moves on, never even engages the attention, except to make you say 'Wow, isn't that hair realistic.' 'Ish.' The director's a game-boy and Japanese - and it shows. Taking Nippon's usual eco-obsession and folding it together with a bit of nonce-Gaya, Mr Sakaguchi comes up with an origami religion and proceeds to smother the movie with it. But there's worse. Our man's computer sims look and act like actors, rather than real people (which is why Aki's boyfriend is voiced by Stephen Baldwin, presumably). Thumbs - big toes, anything you've got - down. Still, huge sighs of relief over in LA. The big stars needn't be so afraid. In fact maybe they'll decide to get in on the act and sim themselves. Tom Cruise for ever, then, God help us.