When to do a runner

Very often, the path of true love doth not run smoothly - and the path of the first date doth run even bumpier. We caring folk at This Is London want all our beautiful readers to find love and happiness — so we've drawn up this all-important list of dating no-no's to help you on your way. If the person you've just met exhibits any of these cardinal sins, you have our special dispensation to run for the hills...

Do A Runner...

ï‚· If you ever hear the words: "No, no, the thing about Scientology/Kabbalah/the Moonies is that we're really misunderstood..."

ï‚· If your date wears any of the following items: lederhosen/a tutu/velour tracksuits/a 'comedy' tie/a sack

ï‚· If you're dating a boy and he mentions his mum more than four times. Do the same if it's a girl and she mentions her ex the same amount of times.

ï‚· When the bill arrives, your date pats their pockets and says, "I don't believe it! I've left my wallet at home! You wouldn't mind, would you?"

ï‚· When they do nothing but bad David Brent or Alan Patridge impressions — and expect you to laugh along as they say 'Fact' or 'Back of the net!' yet AGAIN.

ï‚· If your (girl) date spits on a hanky, leans across the table and wipes your cheek.

ï‚· If they say: "I don't really believe in deodorants. It's just chemicals covering up your body’s natural odour. Hair cleans itself, too, you know."

ï‚· If they utter, "George Bush/Jeffrey Archer/Jason from Big Brother is actually a very admirable fellow — he's been very unfairly maligned in my opinion..."

ï‚· When they greet you hello, they stick their tongue straight in your mouth

ï‚· If your (girl) date shows you a picture montage of her cat in her wallet. Ditto if your boy date shows you a photo of his car.

ï‚· If they think taking you to see their favourite Norweigan thrash metal band is a romantic rendezvous.