Ruby's a diamond

There are times when we look at ourselves and wonder what it is that we are good at. There is a sense that history-in-the-making - which is another way of saying right-now-this-minute - is passing us by without us putting a significant paw-print upon it.

Politics, sport, soft furnishings, chess, royalty: everywhere we lag behind. Except in the business of getting up on stage with no talent whatsoever, except a surprise package of chutzpah, and blowing the world away with a gale of a song.

I switched on my television set last night and was delighted to welcome three invaders into what I normally consider to be my private space.

After some initial confusion involving a chap and a girl who were under the impression that they were conducting an English-as-a-second-language seminar, we were introduced to a winsome fellow by the name of Will, who without preamble, proceeded to put to death a song by the Commodores.

The Commodores could do this themselves but Will was chill. Make no mistake about it, Will went in for the kill.

He spoke eloquently of things going "pear-shaped" but his rendition of this tune was surely more guava. Will treated us to the old vibrato, and a panel of judges decided that his performance came from the heart.

What? The last time I heard anything like this it came from a prone guest at a wedding reception.

Next up was Kwame. This guy has presence but it only lasted a couple of seconds and then the "real man" kicked in. He has a prodigious pair of tonsils but no one told him where to point them.

He played with the sissy bit of the song but then attempted to chew the leg off the chorus. If it was an educational show, he would have been sent home as a hyperactive child.

And then everything goes wobbly and Ruby Wax turns up. Correct me if I am wrong but I thought we had handed this old fastmouth her return ticket to America a stand-up's death ago. Never mind. Here she is squaring up to Leader Of The Pack. Not just squaring up but biffing it about.

For those who don't know about pop music, Leader Of The Pack is one of those rare pop songs that has no tune to start with. Ruby, to her eternal credit, turns it into Stairlift To Heaven. Bravo!