However, they finally relented, and in 2001, she moved into a nearby flat and watched her dream grow around her.
The house has varying heights and there are two living rooms - one for summer, with huge sliding doors that lead on to a terrace; and a second, cosier space for winter.
In this room, one wall is curved, and tapers to a raised fireplace, to create a sense of intimacy, while windows are placed to optimise the views.
Throughout the house, furnishings are a pleasing mix of the contemporary, such as red sofas from Chaplins and glass-top tables, as well as inherited antique oak furniture.
The open-plan kitchen, also designed by Jell, is at the hub of the house and sits next to both living spaces, so Barling can chat with guests while preparing food.
Perhaps the most dramatic space, though, is Barling's study, which has a balcony that, supported by metal props, hangs above one of the dells.
Upstairs, a cantilevered landing, where she hangs art and which has views towards Ashdown Forest, runs the length of the house, and the three bedrooms lead off it.
Barling's room has an en-suite, which she has decorated in black Italian marble, and a south-facing balcony that enjoys sun for most of the day.
Much of the outside walls are covered with a synthetic white render, but other materials, such as local sandstone and zinc, have also been used, while cedar covers the garage doors.
The zinc-clad roof has only a slight pitch, so rainwater drains into a dramatic stainless-steel tank, intended to resemble a cracked rock, on the side of the house; while the house as a whole has only two unobtrusive metal down-pipes.
Barling has transformed the garden into an elegant mix of borders, with the gnarled stump of an old yew tree and steps leading down to the dells beyond. There are also decking areas, where Barling can soak up the evening sun.
At first, friends and family urged Barling not to put herself through such a project and suggested she should simply move to a more modern home.
But she liked the garden too much and is pleased she persevered. "If I didn't have my background with architects and designers, then I might have wobbled," she says.
She admits it has taken time to adapt to the house, which has a bigger floor area than the old bungalow. "It's not for the faint-hearted, and doing it by myself made it harder, but it's been so worth it. There's certainly nothing like this in Tonbridge Wells."
The build cost was about £600,000, but it has now been valued at more than £1 million. It has been a triumph from Jell's point of view, too.
The building won the 2003 RIBA Ibstock Downland Prize for small projects in southern England. And it has just won best project in the Kent design awards, run by the county council. "It's the most exciting house I've ever designed," he says.
You can contact Shane Jell at MKA Chartered Architects on 01732 850995.
