First date no-nos

OK, you're wearing your best outfit, your favourite scent and in a chipper mood because tonight's the night. It's the first date with someone new and possibly the start of something cool. So don't mess it up. We give you ten things you must absolutely, no matter what, definitely NOT do on a first date.

1: We don’t care if you fancy the pants off each other, believe he / she is the one or if you’ve had the best time of your life. Under no circumstances whatsoever do you say the words ‘I love you.’ You will not see them again. Ever.

2: As tempting as it might be after you’ve knocked back your second bottle of wine, it is neither ladylike or gentlemanly to go home at the end of the evening for a shag. It’s too much, too soon and your mother taught you better.

3: In fact while we’re at it, don’t spoil that endearing first impression you’ve been aiming to create all week by getting so legless you can’t stand / remember getting home / get up before sundown the next day.

4: While your burping / farting antics may send your mates reeling into bouts of hilarity, they are unlikely to have the same affect on your first date. Avoid.

5: Don’t play the ice maiden / king. This is not an interview and therefore not their lucky chance to impress you. Be open, warm and your usual friendly self. But also...

6: Don’t fall over yourself being so enthusiastic about everything they say that you’re eyes are virtually popping out of their sockets and your mouth locked in I’m-so-interested perma-grin for the duration of the evening. It’s a little unnerving.

7: Unless you’re planning to shower the pair of you in sauce, we recommend avoiding spaghetti.

8: Don’t talk about your ex, it is not big or clever.

9: Inviting your dinner date to meet your parents just might be a little too much too soon.

10: And if the evening has been a complete and utter disaster, don’t give your correct name and address.