Digging up the past

The former Ground Force presenter, romantic novelist and Bad Sex Awards Runner-Up 1998 catches "a touch of the memoirs" in this gently interminable meander down memory lane. His early days are fondly detailed - a Hovis-flecked Yorkshire childhood, a stint pruning at Kew, that fateful night in 1972 when he bumped into his future wife, Alison, at the Barnes and Richmond Operatic Society.

But when Titch hits the big time - well, Pebble Mill - his story falters, and he seems too concerned with remaining a housewives' favourite (apparently he's the most groped waxwork at Madame Tussaud's) to say anything remotely interesting.

Instead, he fills space with numerous baby photos and by shamelessly singling out his most devoted fans for praise - Gwen in Brighton, Audrey in Maidstone, and an anonymous admirer who sends him tapestries of his book covers: "I gasp at her talent and kindness." Weedy.